God is so much bigger than I imagined...
and to think that in recent days, weeks, months I have found that to be shocking despite the evident claims in the Bible about God being beyond our human comprehension. Sometimes I am so naive.
So many of us, myself included, define who God is in such a way that he can comfortably fit into a little box that we can wrap our minds around and tuck neatly into our brain somewhere.... Well guess what? If When we do that, we're completely missing out on the true character of God, which will in turn make us miss out on a true relationship with him.
In light of everything that happened with Hailey and my dad and in light of this new FAITHdare journey that I'm on, (I've mentioned it once before using the words of another) I am truly on a journey of expansion. Me, my soul, my heart, everything about who I am is expanding. Not only is this journey of expansion about me, but it's about God. My understanding of God continues to expand wider and wider each passing day as I seek with a passionate heart to follow and know him. While this might sound all wonderful and maybe even poetic, I must confess that while yes it is wonderful, my journey of expansion has caused me to have a different definition for wonderful, amongst other words, that is probably different from yours and most of the world's. This journey is, quite frankly, painful...difficult... and literally expands and stretches me out of my comfort zone, my prior understandings about who God is, who I am, how the world works, etc.
This is one of those subjects that I have so many thoughts and feelings that they couldn't possibly be put into words let alone into this one blog post, but I hope to at least make due with a 'bullet-point' version of what I'm learning and how I'm expanding. (And just a word of warning, it's going to get pretty 'heavy'...)
God is a forgiving God, a loving God, a compassionate God, He wants what's best for all of his creation, He is all-knowing, He is good, His plans are good, His ways are good, He's miraculous, All things are possible with him, There is nothing he cannot do, He rejoices, He blesses, He answers prayers, And on and on and on.... (This is a version of God in my box).
But you must ask yourself, what is love? What is compassion? What is good? What is a blessing? Often our definitions of these words work to define our understanding of God. I know it's been true of myself.
Believing only the aforementioned qualities of God's character and limiting ourselves to only those 'good' qualities and our human, worldly definitions of these qualities, I might argue is limiting and detrimental to one's true faith in God and one's life.
You see when you believe God loves you, God is good, and that God has great plans for you and your life and wants to bless you (which all come from the Bible somewhere), well when your supposedly perfectly, healthy baby is born and you are told she is going to die in less than a year and really probably only has days to live and there's nothing you can do about it - the same baby you prayed for and that God created - well how do you fit your view of God into this reality you're finding yourself in? And then while you're baby is dying, your dad is dying from cancer as well. And two weeks after you bury your baby, your dad dies the day you're flying in to see him, the day before your birthday, and you attend your dad's memorial service on your husband's birthday. How does that fit in to the picture?
I could go on and add situations to this, but I won't. I don't need to. I think the picture is clear. How do you fit that preconceived notion of who God is to what has happened to your life? Well that's what I've had to figure out in the last 6-7 months. It has been a test of my faith.
What I've learned is that yes all of those 'positive' attributes of God are true and based in God's word, but those things are only a part of who God is. Just because God loves me doesn't mean that he will not allow me to be hurt, experience pain, suffer, be disciplined, become sick, etc. All of those things happen and God still loves me. God has plans for me and my life and will work everything for his good, but his good and his plans might not be what my good and my plans look like.
I always said I wouldn't be a teacher. Well I am. I always said I wouldn't marry someone in the military. Well I did. I always wanted to live in the same town by my family. Well I don't. I hate change. But the life God has given me is one that is ever changing. I wanted to be a young mom and had certain plans for my own family. Well I'm a mother but not the kind I ever envisioned and my plans for my family are certainly different from how it's actually playing out. My point is that I have plans. Tons of them. And sometimes they don't turn out. But sometimes they do. And I'm okay with whatever happens because I pray for God's will to be done in my life and some times that means I don't get what I want or what I think is right for me.
Moreover, I will suffer and be in pain. The Bible is clear on that. But even when that happens God is good and loves me. It's hard to understand. Even if I am living the life God calls me to live, even if I am obeying and being righteous, I will still suffer. Not only does the Bible tell me I will still suffer, but the Bible even says, "But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed." (1 Peter 3:14) Never did I envision someone blessed by God living a life full of suffering. But the Bible teaches differently. Talk about expansion.
How about the good, the loving, the compassionate God pouring out his wrath and judgment? Yes God gets angry. God has wrath. It's an anger and wrath that we can't even imagine. But no one likes to hear about that part of who God is. No one really takes a minute to think about what it means to love and fear God. It's not pleasant, so we ignore. But you can't pick and chose which attributes of God you want to accept. God is who he says he is and either you believe it and live according to it or you don't. To know who he is we need to read about who he says he is. And many people don't do that. And even Bible believing people like myself tend to skip right over those parts, just like so many people tend to skip over judgment, hell, Satan, etc.
Basically, God is bigger than we think. Bigger and more complex than we can imagine. But we need to try. Doing so helps us receive and know His love, His blessings, how to be obedient to him, and helps us make it through this life and onto an eternity in His kingdom in heaven.
This past week's dare asked you/me to watch an hour long sermon twice. Well I confess I didn't do it twice, I only did it once, but it's life changing. So many of us "followers" of Jesus are following in this little comfortable bubble that fits nicely in with society. But guess what, you want to follow Jesus? It costs you. It costs you everything. Will you follow him if it means giving up your children? your spouse? your friends? your house? your 'stuff'? You cannot be a follower of Christ if you do not surrender all to him. You must take up your cross and follow him. What does carrying a cross mean? It means giving him your life. Dying to yourself and your world and everything in it. Giving up those you love, giving up what's important to you, sacrificing it all - for God. God is all you need. How crazy is that... How hard is that... But that is what God calls us to do, and unfortunately, not many people understand what that means. I was a follower of Christ, I tried to surrender everything, give everything in my life to God, dedicate myself to God, but I had no clue what all of that really meant until I unwillingly lost so much in January. Until you experience a hardship or a tragedy, I'm not sure you can fully experience God's love and who he is or know what faith is really about... It's not always sunshine and rainbows, although that's what we so often wish...
All I know is that God is an awesome God. He is the creator and ruler of the universe. He is all that is good. He is the only place I will ever find and experience true love. And in the end, He wins. I want to be on his side. And I want to do whatever it takes to be on his side and know him. (And boy is that a gutsy thing to proclaim if you really believe everything the Bible says).
Oh and on a side note, this past week's dare included memorizing Matthew chapter 10... well this is probably another epic fail, but I am not going to give up. I have 1, almost 2 verses memorized, pretty pathetic, but I am going to keep memorizing.
So moving on...here's the next dare!
FAITHdare #3: Hungering for Him
Fast from one meal every day this week (or two, or whatever God leads you to), using that time instead to tune your physical/spiritual radar to the soul-deep hunger that can only be satisfied by the Bread of Life.
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