Isaac, 3 Months

Yesterday Isaac turned 3 months old. Here is my little blurb of an update about him this past month (pardon any typos - wrote it on my phone and don't have much time to correct :P )

This month Isaac is growing into a little man. He has mastered what I call the Kung Fu baby grip. He's been not only reaching for toys and objects but he's holding on to them, pulling them toward his mouth, and chewing them. Also Speaking of his mouth he can't keep his hands out of it! He loves sucking and chewing on his thumbs, fingers, and whole fists. I'm wondering if he's teething as he is also producing massive amounts of drool comparable to his K9 companion. He's getting better at tummy time but still needs lots of work and practice. He enjoys it when I lay on my back and put him with his tummy to my shins and I lift him horizontally in the air. In fact I got his first true laugh this way a couple of weeks ago. Which brings me to my next point that he has been so vocal and smiley this month. He loves to talk and does a lot of it. His laughs come out mostly as little coughs or screeches. I love it all. I also love how much his sleep has improved. I transitioned him to napping in his bassinet in his room during the day, then to his crib during the day, and now he sleeps in his crib during the day and his bassinet in his room at night. He's fallen into a 3hr routine of eat, play, sleep pretty naturally with a little guidance from me. He started sleeping 3hrs at a time at night and had a couple 4 or 5 hr stretches here and there. Last week I officially declared he slept through the night when he slept from 11p to 5am! This month he also had a drs appt where he weighed in at just under 13lbs and is 24.5in tall. He's also gaining more and more muscle strength and control of his body - he may have rolled out of his inclined chair a time or two, he rolls onto his side a lot trying to get his hands in his mouth, and he has in general become a wiggle worm so he now definitely gets buckled into everything and we hold on extra tight to him. He's growing up so fast! I love him so much!

Babies

This week I have been inundated with babies. People having them, people being pregnant and just sharing the news - it's pure wonderful baby craziness and I thank God he has blessed me with Isaac otherwise I know this time would be a little hard as it was after losing Hailey and being around pregnant women and babies....

Yet this is hard in a new way I'm finding. It seems "everyone" in my life is getting pregnant or having their 2nd baby in this current season of my life. I suddenly find thoughts popping into my head like "oh how wonderful... I want a second baby too" and then I catch myself. I already had my second baby. Isaac is my second baby. I am actually ahead of my "crowd" with second babies.... But the only thing is I have one baby to show for it, as horrible as it sounds.

I always wanted two babies ... And I had two babies... Only I don't. Instead of growing up a little brother, Isaac will grow up an only child as it is right now. And so it's strange this new place I'm at... Frustrated and sad that Isaac's my second baby but feels like my first and is my first in so many ways... Sad that Hailey has no place in our current life or future with our family...

But I am also reminded that even though it may seem that "everyone" is pregnant again, "everyone" really isn't... Life is still fragile. Babies are still miracles. And I'm reminded of friends suffering through miscarriages and infertility right now. Getting pregnant, having a healthy baby, it's not as easy or as common as it may seem sometimes.

(And please no comments about us and our family's future in terms of children. First, we have not crossed that threshold yet nor are we in anyway prepared to go there. This is simply my reflection on my current situation. Second, having another child does not replace the point of this post which is about the void that is left after burying our first child - nothing replaces that child.)