I Dreamt of Her Again...

I can't tell you how long it's been since Hailey has visited me in my dreams. Well, actually... I probably can...hold on a minute and let me check my blog posts...My last dream of her was mentioned in a post on July 25th.

Saturday night I dreamt of her again. Which means that it's been almost a month, although it feels like longer...

The dream was rather strange, very quick, but beyond perfect and absolutely wonderful.

In the hazy, vagueness that dreams sometimes are, I approached a shopping cart. Where I was, what I was doing, I couldn't say. I was just there with a shopping cart. Yes, I'll say it again, a shopping cart, like one from Target. (I picked Target because I want to say the cart was red, but I can't be sure... you know how dreams are). As I walked up to the cart I saw two beautiful baby girls sitting next to each other in the seat. I remember the baby on the left was a healthy, 'perfect' baby, but that's all I remember. I didn't look at her. It was like I just knew that to be true. Instead, I walked closer and focused on the baby sitting to the right. The unspoken truth in the dream was that this baby was not 'perfect.' I looked at the baby's eyes. They reminded me of Hailey. You see this baby was much older than Hailey was when she passed away. This baby was chubby and sitting upright on her own in the seat in the cart. This baby had longer brown hair, and I think she had some baby bangs. This baby was clearly over 6 months old... maybe this baby was as old as Hailey would have been right now...

In my head - in my dream - I wondered if it was Hailey. But within an instant of looking at her eyes, I realized that without a doubt it was her. I walked up to her within touching distance, but not touching, and just looked at her not believing I was really seeing her. It was one of those dreams where it seemed completely real. And in my dream, I remember wondering if it was a dream and realizing that it was. Something told me to soak up what I was seeing and treasure every minute of the perfection and false reality of the moment with Hailey because it was only a dream, and then before I knew it I woke up. (Anyone else thinking Inception here? j/k... but I did think about movie a lot as I wrote this!).

I woke up disappointed that it was only a dream, but completely warmed and feeling satisfied in my heart for having felt like God had given me a glimpse of my baby girl.

And actually the more I think about my dream of her as I write this, I am realizing that the image I saw of Hailey in my dream is very reminiscent of a picture of me when I was little. Interesting... I might have to go find that picture of me.