Grief and Spiritual Warfare

Well despite being hit with some severe allergies or a cold... I still haven't decided which it is... I am doing pretty well still. I hit a few bumps on my journey out of grief and into peace in the last week. But thankfully I've ended up with my head above water.

As strange as it may sound, I can feel myself drifting away from God. Not intentionally, but I can feel it happening. I've never felt closer to God than in the months of December and January (when Hailey came into this world and when she left it).

But now as things seem to be going better for me, I don't feel that closeness as strongly.

Why is it that when our lives are going well, we drift away from God? Why is it that when the floor drops out from under us and our lives collapse, we become closer to God than ever before?

I don't like that tendency.  At least that's how it seems for my life, I don't know about yours.

Maybe it's that I feel as though I'm doing well and don't need God as much anymore? But if that's true I'm doing it sub-consciously because I know with full confidence that I still need him just as much.

Thankfully, I'm aware of this which allows me to do something about it. I don't want to drift away from God and find myself relying more on me and less on Him.

I truly think that grief is a form of spiritual warfare. Satan is right there eagerly waiting for our moments of weakness and despair when we are feeling tired and vulnerable. Grief is a perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of us and work destruction in us. The guilt, the selfishness, the what ifs, and so on that so often accompany grief and fill the minds of the grieving can easily ruin us if we are not on guard (I'm betting that those thoughts are not from God).

Therefore, combining my awareness of my tendency to drift away from God and wander out on my own when my life is going better with my awareness of grief as spiritual warfare, I pray a certain prayer every morning that looks something like this: First, I thank God for working his healing in my life and blessing me with so much. (Everything I was thanking him for during the month of November in honor of Thanksgiving on my Facebook, I am still thankful for and they are still blessings in my life.) Second, I pray that God would continue to heal me.  And last, I pray that God would fill me with His Holy Spirit, give me His strength and peace so I am prepared when I encounter situations that might be difficult emotionally (like going grocery shopping and seeing all the babies and moms), and protect me against any lies or traps Satan is trying to set for me.

In the past with my grief, God's word, prayer, and worship were things I clung to in order to survive. Now I don't feel that desperation and dependence as strongly. So I need to make more of an effort to continue my lifestyle of constant prayer, worship, time in God's word, etc. so that I can stay close to God and not fall into any traps waiting to bring me down. I need to put on my armor of God every morning.

The Armor of God - Ephesians 6:

¹⁰Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.