Tonight I sit and dream of you, my baby boy... I can't help it...
I pray that not too long from now you will be cuddled in my arms, healthy and beautiful, and that I will stare endlessly at you in amazement of my healthy and beautiful baby boy.
I dream of meeting you.
I dream of you healthy.
I dream of holding you.
I dream of a life with you.
At one point I told myself I couldn't dream these dreams... They were too big... too much to ask... feeling unrealistic... feeling undeserving... feeling such joy and perfection might not come my way...
But I can't help it...
I dream of my dreams coming true.
I dream of you.
And somewhere along the way I realized I was afraid to love you with all my heart ,and I did everything I could to try to push that love aside... Out of a fear of loving you and losing you or loving you and hurting because you hurt... As if I could ignore a love that was already created and growing, thinking it would make the pain any less if something were to happen to you...
But I can't help it. I love you. I've always loved you...
Dreaming and loving are risks for me, and maybe for others too, but even though I'm still afraid, I can't help it anymore......
And so tonight I sit and dream of you...
I can only pray and hope that God allows me the dreams and love I have for you to be fulfilled...
That's beautiful. We are praying for you all. Love Alyssa and Jake
ReplyDeleteYay!! Can' wait to meet him...he is a lucky guy to have you guys as parents...
ReplyDeleteThat would be Can'T...can't wait...
ReplyDeleteI have many imaginings and dreams of him too...and how your life will change in just a couple of weeks. He will be a well loved, well cared for baby :) with the best mom ever! :)
ReplyDeletemany many thanks for your blog, you are a great example for our faith . you are an amazing warrior and i know you will have your reward. you will be in my prayers.
ReplyDelete