Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is October 15th, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Before losing Hailey I had no idea such a day existed, but now that I know I am so glad that it does. I just wish more people knew about it and more people recognized it and showed their support for it.

Please consider showing your support and love for Hailey, me, and my family as well as for all of the other babies who have gone to Heaven and their families.

We grieve every day. We love and miss our baby every day. And this will be our life for as long as we live. It doesn't matter if it's been one week, one month, one year, or ten years since our babies went to Heaven, we "babylost" parents need reminders of your support and love, and we need you to acknowledge, remember, and show your love for our babies who have passed.

How can you show your support and let people know you care?

Tonight at 7pm wherever you live, please consider lighting a candle in remembrance of Hailey and all the other babies around the world who have passed away.

Consider posting something like this as your Facebook status to bring awareness and show your support: Today is October 15th, National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Please show your support and join me in remembering all the babies lost due to miscarriage, still birth, and early infant death. They are gone but never forgotten.


Send a word of encouragement, love, and support to someone you know who has lost their baby. A card, a phone call, an email, a comment on a Facebook status. Anything is appreciated. Don't know what to say? Any of these examples bring comfort to me: "Thinking of you and remembering Hailey." "Sending hugs." "Love you." "Praying for you." "We love and miss "Hailey" too."

Even sending a small gift like flowers on today, birthdays, or anniversaries means more than you'd ever imagine.

And last but not least, please pray for my family and other families who have lost a baby, that they will find comfort, love, peace, and strength today and every day.

I, we, need to know you haven't forgotten about our babies who mean the world to us. We need your support. Today and every day. We need to know you care about our grief and that you care about our babies.

Step outside of your comfort zone. Dare to address what you might find as awkward, uncomfortable, or painful. Help break the silence that keeps parents like myself feeling isolated and alone and like no one cares about our baby or our loss. Trust me, we need you to mention our babies' names.

My Child’s Name Author Unknown

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.
Don’t worry about making me cry.
I’m already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I’m hurt when you just keep silent, pretending he didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing,
I say “pretty good” or “fine.”
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

Hailey's Hope PSP Balloon Release

**IMPORTANT**

The date of the Project Sweet Peas Pregnancy & Infant Loss Balloon Release being held by our local project Hailey's Hope in Enterprise, AL has changed due to safety concerns because of flight patterns of Ft. Rucker flight students occurring during the day and time of the original release.

Hailey's Hope's release will NOT be this FRI (10/15) as originally planned. Instead the release will take place SAT (10/16). It will be at the Enterprise Recreational Complex at the bridge over the pond at 4pm.

Please email me Kristin@projectsweetpeas.com if you would like to attend so I give you the details. I deeply apologize for any inconvenience.

Updates

Just some quick updates because I just realized it's been almost a week since I last posted...

For starters, Josh and I had a busy but enjoyable 3 day weekend. On Saturday Josh, Opie (our dog), and I had a family day full of quality time together. We started out the morning by going to the Buddy Walk in support of Team Freddie (which I mentioned in my last post). It felt good to support Freddie and others with Trisomy 21. And for me personally, I also did it in memory of Hailey, because without her having Trisomy 18, which just as easily could have been 21, I'm not sure we would have ever gone on such a walk. We brought Opie with us on the walk and aside from the kids he seemed to be the hit of the day. So many little kids pointed at him, walked up to him, and one little girl was simply in love with him giving him hugs around the neck and sticking her face in front of his so he would lick her all over. (That really tugged at our heartstrings making us think of how Hailey would have been doing the same if she were with us).

After we finished the walk we went pumpkin picking, yes all three of us.  Even I was surprised they let Opie go on the hayride with everyone. It was probably a funny sight but everyone seemed to like him. He even got mooed at by a cow while we were out in the field picking pumpkins.

Saturday was really good day for me, for us. I had a lot fun, and we made a lot of memories. However, like every day, my thoughts often drifted to Hailey... trying to imagine what it would have been like with her here. Like how I should have been taking pictures of her with the big, orange pumpkins with Opie instead of just Opie. As I reflected on the end of the day, thinking of all the families we saw, I realized how much I / we treat Opie like our child. Not only did he go with us everywhere that day, but we, acting as not just his owners but his parents, stopped by Petsmart and bought him his own doggy seat belt to keep him safe on car rides. We even tried on some costumes for him. Obviously he was too large for the large size cow costume.

A part of me can't help but think that everything we did that day with Opie should have been done with Hailey... So as much fun as I had on Saturday and over the weekend, I can't help but miss that Hailey wasn't with us for it all...

(But I'm thankful I / we have Opie. He truly is been my best friend and has helped me get through a lot of things. I always mean to write a post about him and him and Hailey like the one I wrote months ago that got deleted when my Internet went down... Some day I'll write it so everyone can know just how important and special Opie is to us.)

Anyway, over the weekend I also spent a lot of time crafting. I'm in the process of creating 10 memory boxes that will be donated to families in the NICUs at The Children's Hospital with terminally ill babies or those who have lost babies while in the NICUs. As much as I hate that they're needed because it means a baby has passed away and a family has lost their child, I really am happy to be able to make and give them these in hopes that will bring comfort to someone. We're going to donate a total of 10 boxes (5 boys, 5 girls), and they're taking a lot of time to make, but here's a sneak peek at what I'm working on:

Yesterday I received my first phone call to sub! The teacher was sick and was trying to make it through the day, but she decided it best if she went home early. So I subbed for her 10th grade English classes from 9:30a to 3:10p. The day was super easy and went well. The hard part was maintaining a quiet working environment and classroom management without knowing the seating charts and names, but it really did go extremely smoothly - and thankfully no students tried to pull anything on me!

After yesterday I've come to decide a few things. One, I do miss being in the classroom, feeling productive in that way, and making some money. Two, I do not miss all the responsibilities that come with full time teaching like grading papers, and I am very thankful I didn't have to go home yesterday to lesson plan or grade papers. Three, I do not foresee or want a full time teaching position any time in the near future (even if it were possible), and I like the flexibility of subbing. Four, I am really thankful to be able to do what I am with my life right now. It made me realize how much I love being able to have a project with Project Sweet Peas and how important it is to me. I've always wanted to do something that makes a difference in people's lives and I always thought that would be through teaching, but I'm really seeing more and more that what I'm doing with Hailey's Hope is doing just that and really is meaningful and important.

This Friday and Saturday will be spent remembering Hailey and all the babies lost due to miscarriage, still birth, and infant loss (and their families). Friday, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I'm releasing almost 80 balloons on behalf of the names of babies lost submitted to Hailey's Hope with Project Sweet Peas. I'm really looking forward to remembering all of these babies who are all so deeply loved and missed in this way. It should be a pretty amazing sight seeing all of those balloons float off into the sunset sky.

On Saturday Josh and I are going to a "Walk to Remember" for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance - another way for Josh and I take some time and do something special in remembrance of our daughter. I'm most looking forward to releasing a butterfly for Hailey ... because of my thing with butterflies and her... and because I wanted to do a butterfly release fundraiser for Hailey's Hope on the one year anniversary of her passing, but because of the temperatures in January, it would be too cold to release them... so I'm excited to at least have this opportunity.

And of course, there will be blog posts to come about these events.

Lessons that Saved my Life

I am extremely thankful for the growing God has been doing in me since I lost my dad and Hailey. It seems like almost every day I'm learning something new or gaining a new piece of God's wisdom about getting through this life and not just getting through it but making the most of it, not just to surviving, but to thriving.

Here are some of the lessons and pieces of wisdom I've gained (mostly from this past year, but not all) in hopes they might help someone else and so that I can have a record of them as a reminder for myself.

~  I first learned the answer to the age old question, "What's the meaning of life?" years ago but am continually going deeper in what it means every day. The answer is this: Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul. In loving God, follow and serve Him.  Share God's love with others (literally telling others of his love as in the great commission and through your actions) - ask him how he can use you to do this.

~ If my husband loved me perfectly, like I so often want him to do, I would have no need for God's perfect love.

~ People you love will fail you, disappoint you, and leave you, but God never will. If you focus on God's love and being filled by Him, you will find the true satisfaction that you long for.

~ Life is full of "bad stuff" (sickness, death, abuse, and so on). The "bad stuff" does not come from God, it comes from the fall of mankind and the result of sin. The wonderful thing is that God can use all of that "bad stuff" for accomplishing good. He doesn't need it to accomplish good, but he can use it for good.

~ I've learned a lot about hope.

~ Frustrated with unanswered prayers? Reconsider your prayer life. Pray according to the scriptures and God's promises. Pray for God's will to be done and for the wisdom, strength, and whatever else it takes for you to accept whatever his will is.

~ God's plan for your life might not be the plan you have for your life. Pray that God would match your hearts desires with His.

~ God calls you to love others. Do it. Treat others as God treats you. Love them first. Extend grace and mercy and forgiveness. It surprises me how I expect others to love me and treat me with grace and mercy and so on before I do the same to them.

~ When we rely on ourselves or others, it leaves us disappointed, frustrated, and hopeless. Thankfully, everything we could ever need God provides for us, and we can always rely on Him. When I do, I'm left feeling loved, at peace, and hopeful. For he loves me (1 John 4:19), he never leaves me (Joshua 1:5), and his ways are perfect (Deut. 32:4).

~ We love to try to be in control, but it often leaves us frustrated, tired, worried, stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed. This is because we cannot control others or the circumstances of our lives, but we can control ourselves, our actions and attitudes, and we can do it in the right way with God's help.

~ Envy and jealousy are a dangerous business that lead to dissatisfaction, depression, and bitterness in our lives. They are unproductive and destructive emotions. If you stop focusing on others' haves and your have nots, you will be much more content and at peace with your life. Again, it somewhat goes back to the previous issue of control. You can only control yourself and make the most of your life that's been given to you.

~ If you want friends, be a friend first. Don't wait for others to approach you, seek out friendships.

~ If you need encouragement, encourage others first.

~ When you don't feel like praying, pray. When you don't feel like worshiping, worship.