Baby boy notes

It's no secret that this pregnancy has been and remains an emotional roller coaster ride for me, but today I'm having a pretty good day so I figured it'd be good for me to update you all on our baby boy by writing some notes about him.

First, the not so good update I suppose is that I thought I was finally ready to start looking at ideas for planning his nursery and looking into items I want to buy for him; however, I was wrong. Over the weekend I spent an hour or so online looking at some baby boy themed nurseries and other things. While I online 'window shopped,' I felt okay emotionally, maybe even a little excited. However, that momentary peace and bliss was in deed only momentary. I'm not sure when it set in, but by the day after my online 'window shopping,' I was not okay and in fact I plummeted in a downward spiral of worries, fears, and sorrows. Long story short, at nearly 30 weeks, I'm still not ready to plan our baby boy's nursery or shop for all the items we may need for him. In fact, I'm not sure when I'll be ready... I'm starting to wonder if I ever will feel it. For now, I still have plenty of time before my due date rolls around, but just in case I'm not ready when baby is, all I can determine for now is that at some point I'll at least need to get the bare necessities ready and save everything else for later.

But don't worry, this post isn't all doom and gloom pregnancy updates... I have some of the fun stuff to share too.

So tomorrow I will be 30 weeks. My midwife continues to tell me that I'm measuring right where I should be, but I sometimes think I'm too small and others' commenting on my smallness doesn't help... But regardless, there are more times when I actually do feel huge for having 10 more weeks to go, but I like feeling huge and rocking the baby bump.

Last week the restless night's sleep kicked in, mostly as a result of not being able to get comfortable. Eventually I fall asleep after an hour or two when my body tires of rolling side to side every 5 minutes, but then right when I get a bit of sleep, my bladder awakens me, and I swear I'm spending more time going pee than sleeping (sorry if that's TMI). The wonderful thing about being awake so much at night is that I get to marvel in our baby boy's movements because that tends to be when he's most active (like a typical baby), which brings me to my next note about him.

Prior to my midwife appointment last week, baby's movements were mostly small and being felt down low; after hearing my midwife tell me it looked like I had an anterior placenta that explained why (apparently it's like having a pillow that cushions baby's movements and keeps me from feeling them as pronounced else where). However, the rest of the day after the appointment, I swear baby boy was awake and kicking all day long, and ever since last week he has been moving all over the place, and I'm feeling him all over the place (so I'm wondering if I really did/do have an anterior placenta or if it's moved already).

His movements lately are my greatest source of joy. Even when I'm struggling and having an emotionally difficult day with this pregnancy, I just love when I feel him kick - almost as though he's giving me his own reminder to stop worrying or being fearful and just rejoice in the present moment with him... love that.

I can tell he's starting to get big as just a few days ago we started being able to feel body parts! I don't remember this happening so soon with Hailey. Yesterday as my husband and I were watching a movie, I could feel him moving and rested my hand on my belly. I noticed that the left side of my belly had an extremely hard spot in comparison to the rest of the baby. I told my husband that I thought I was feeling a baby butt or back or something and had him feel as well. As we relished in that moment together, my husband continued to feel around my belly and not too far away he felt another little body part and had me feel it too. I'm not sure what we were feeling, a foot, a knee, who knows, but it was awesome... It was my first time feeling such a little part of our baby boy, and even though I'd felt Hailey like that when I was pregnant with her, I couldn't help from getting all giddy at marveling at such a strange and wonderful thing.

I continue to soak up each and every one of his movements and can't help but be comforted by them and rejoice in them. Today in fact I'm feeling him as I write, and he's finally, and noticeably, reached into my rib cage.

Oh, and I almost forgot, at my midwife appointment last week, while we were listening to his heartbeat he had the hiccups and I got to hear the hiccups mixed in with his heartbeat amplified by the machine... loved that. And he continues to have hiccups every now and then, something else that brings me a smile when I need it most.

In other pregnancy related things, I haven't started retaining water yet, although I feel as though various parts might start swelling at any time. My measure is my wedding ring. Last pregnancy my hands swelled so I had to wear my wedding ring on my necklace, so far this pregnancy I can still wear my wedding ring. However, the past couple of days my hands have started to feel a little different, really like they're going to start swelling, but so far my wedding ring is still fitting so that tells me I'm still good (although I know it's only a matter of time).

And last pregnancy I remember being warmer more (and usually I am someone who feels warm most of the time), but this pregnancy I am such a heater I had no idea it could be this bad. I thought making it through a pregnancy during the summer and fall in AL would prepare me for pregnancy and a due date in August in TN, but apparently not! As much as I try to be frugal and turn on the A/C only in extreme heat... I don't think that's going to be the case this summer. I think the A/C is going to be on 24/7 and will be my best friend this summer, although the electric bill will surely not.

Last but not least, several people close to us have asked on a occasion about our baby boy's name, well let me tell you he has one! And he's had one for awhile! We just aren't telling anyone. After getting way too many unwanted opinions last time when were picking Hailey's name (some of which led to me feeling frustrated or hurt), my husband and I agreed that we wouldn't reveal our baby boy's name until he's born. So sorry, if you want to know, you're just going to have to wait.

Alright, I think that's all the baby boy notes I have to share for today. I just want to end by asking for your continued prayers - both for my emotional and mental health (that I would be able to have faith and remain hopeful for our baby boy instead of overcome and paralyzed by fears and worries) and for our baby boy's health (that he would in fact be born healthy and that he would have no disorders or defects or complications, etc.). Thank you so much to all of you who keep us in your prayers.