New Baby Dreaming

Dreaming is not something that has come easily to me in the past few years (mainly due to the death of our daughter), but with my pregnancy with Isaiah, the Lord has been challenging me to dream again. I could write an entire book on this topic probably so I will do my best to stick to the point of this blog post, which is to share a part of that dreaming with you all. To do that though I need to share some back story.

When we were pregnant with Hailey, we prepared in every way imaginable. I decorated her nursery and had it perfect weeks before she was due. The color scheme was pink and brown and the theme was elephants. I loved it. Unfortunately, she never used her room. Yes she was able to come home with us for a few weeks, but we never had a need to use her room. So everything all sat, perfect, brand new, mostly everything unused. And then our house was empty of her and full of her things. And the high of the preparation and expectation hurt as we hit a low as we lived a reality that seemed a nightmare.

When we became pregnant with Isaac, I refused to prepare like I did with Hailey. It hurt too bad. I knew we were not promised a healthy baby at any point during my pregnancy so I refused to act like I knew he would come home. We did have the basic necessities we needed in the chance we got to come home with him, and I decided we would put his nursery together after he was home if he was healthy. And so we did. I remember putting his room together and making his artwork and doing all the finishing touches when he was a few weeks old. It was still fun, but not everything I wished it could be because let's face it - I had a newborn on my hands! :)

This pregnancy, I find myself in between the two extremes, which I think is a good place to be. I still am cautious to be overly prepared and have everything perfect in Isaiah's room because I know we aren't guaranteed that future with him. But the Lord has used Isaac and other things to give me a hope I didn't have before and has helped me dream again. So we have all the basics we need for Isaiah to come home, and I've dared to dream of what I want his nursery to be like, which has allowed me the joy of a few simple purchases and putting together a few special decorative touches. In the chance our dream doesn't come true the way we imagine, because it's something I must confront as a possibility, I know I still want him to have some of his own things. It's still important to me. Despite everything with Hailey, I am forever grateful, for instance, I painted her artwork for her room. She never got to really see it or understand it, but it was hers. It is hers. I still have it. And I feel this way about Isaiah. Whether or not we bring him home as a healthy baby or not, he is our son, he has a place in our home, and we dream of meeting him and a life with him. Nothing can change that or take that away.

So here are some sneak peeks of my new baby dreaming for Isaiah and his room.