New Baby Dreaming

Dreaming is not something that has come easily to me in the past few years (mainly due to the death of our daughter), but with my pregnancy with Isaiah, the Lord has been challenging me to dream again. I could write an entire book on this topic probably so I will do my best to stick to the point of this blog post, which is to share a part of that dreaming with you all. To do that though I need to share some back story.

When we were pregnant with Hailey, we prepared in every way imaginable. I decorated her nursery and had it perfect weeks before she was due. The color scheme was pink and brown and the theme was elephants. I loved it. Unfortunately, she never used her room. Yes she was able to come home with us for a few weeks, but we never had a need to use her room. So everything all sat, perfect, brand new, mostly everything unused. And then our house was empty of her and full of her things. And the high of the preparation and expectation hurt as we hit a low as we lived a reality that seemed a nightmare.

When we became pregnant with Isaac, I refused to prepare like I did with Hailey. It hurt too bad. I knew we were not promised a healthy baby at any point during my pregnancy so I refused to act like I knew he would come home. We did have the basic necessities we needed in the chance we got to come home with him, and I decided we would put his nursery together after he was home if he was healthy. And so we did. I remember putting his room together and making his artwork and doing all the finishing touches when he was a few weeks old. It was still fun, but not everything I wished it could be because let's face it - I had a newborn on my hands! :)

This pregnancy, I find myself in between the two extremes, which I think is a good place to be. I still am cautious to be overly prepared and have everything perfect in Isaiah's room because I know we aren't guaranteed that future with him. But the Lord has used Isaac and other things to give me a hope I didn't have before and has helped me dream again. So we have all the basics we need for Isaiah to come home, and I've dared to dream of what I want his nursery to be like, which has allowed me the joy of a few simple purchases and putting together a few special decorative touches. In the chance our dream doesn't come true the way we imagine, because it's something I must confront as a possibility, I know I still want him to have some of his own things. It's still important to me. Despite everything with Hailey, I am forever grateful, for instance, I painted her artwork for her room. She never got to really see it or understand it, but it was hers. It is hers. I still have it. And I feel this way about Isaiah. Whether or not we bring him home as a healthy baby or not, he is our son, he has a place in our home, and we dream of meeting him and a life with him. Nothing can change that or take that away.

So here are some sneak peeks of my new baby dreaming for Isaiah and his room.

An Update on Baby #3 {35 Weeks}

It's been awhile again, but since my last post in May, we have finally moved, come back from a vacation visiting our families, unpacked, and settled in. I'm so thankful to have a little time to blog again! And I think that calls for an update on baby #3!

First, a pregnancy re-cap: 

1st Trimester: 
Awful, awful, awful morning sickness.
Found out we were pregnant the day after Hailey's birthday (December 1st), again, just like we did with Isaac.
Kept the exciting news to ourselves so that it could be a "Christmas present" for our families.

We went to Disney World (morning sickness and all!).

Isaac enjoyed coming with to the first appointment and hearing baby 3's heartbeat.



2nd Trimester:
Felt soooo much better, praise the Lord!
I was convinced we were having a girl, but we found out we are having a boy.

His name is Isaiah. (Perhaps another blog post on choosing his name later)

Lots of movements from him.
Went on a mini-work-related-family vacation to New Orleans.
Isaac watched my belly grow and had fun pointing out that it was "giant" and "as big as a balloon."


3rd Trimester:
Still feeling really good!
We opted out of any screening or testing this pregnancy. So far all appointments have shown a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby.
We moved from AL to TN (and visited IL) - that all put a little bit of extra strain and exhaustion on me, so glad that's all over now and can relax a little more.
First time ever having Braxton-Hicks.
Isaac finally was able to put his hands on my belly and feel Isaiah move.

And now for some fun current updating (thanks to an idea from my friend Amanda)!

How far along: 35 weeks

(Not the best pic but most recent - taken today!)

Baby Size: He's the size of a honeydew melon (18-20 in. long and 5.5 lbs so "they" say).

Stretch marks: Oh yes. The ones left from my pregnancy with Isaac seem to have grown, and I'm sure I have new ones. And they sure itch. Coconut oil has become my friend. But I don't mind my stretch marks. As I came to accept after losing Hailey, they are physical reminders of my babies that I will always have, and I kind of like that.

Sleep: Hello insomnia. This time around it doesn't seem to be associated with being uncomfortable. It's just good old fashioned insomnia. Or perhaps God's way of preparing me for the lack of sleep I'm about to experience with a newborn.

Best moment this week: Isaac feeling Isaiah move. Priceless. 

Looking forward to: Finally having time to make Isaiah's artwork for his room. I've made artwork for each of my babies, and I can't wait to make his.

What I miss: Being able to run and keep up physically when playing with Isaac. 

Movement: Some big pokes and jabs. Lately they seem to have slowed down, but every time I start to feel worry creep up on me, he will get me worried just enough and then have a moment of dancing.

Food cravings: Fresh fruit and chocolate. 

Labor Signs: Practice contractions every now and then. 

Symptoms: Easily tired, no noticeable swelling, but my feet have grown bigger and wider (awkward), a little hormonal, hot all the time, hungry most of the time.

Wedding rings on or off? On, sort of. My engagement ring is on just fine, but my wedding band is on my pinky finger... Not sure why one fits and the other doesn't since they're the same size (but apparently not). 

Mood: Most days feeling content. Thankful for a non-eventful, seemingly healthy pregnancy, for feeling good overall. As my due date draws near I battle more and more fears and anxieties that creep in. My pregnancy with Isaac was one of the biggest spiritual battles I've ever experienced. This time I am thankful that I have been at peace for the majority of my pregnancy, but it's getting harder. I've experienced the worst of labor and the worst that can happen to your baby, and I've also experienced the best of labor and the best that can happen to your baby. I'm thankful to have hope from my pregnancy with Isaac, but fear from what happened to us and Hailey is there. Practicing daily laying those fears and worries at the feet of Jesus and trusting Him no matter Isaiah's future. I already love him and am so thankful to have him as my son, and I've cherished every day of this pregnancy (even those days I was miserably sick).