Better than I deserve

Today was a really amazing day. Nothing life changing or huge or anything like that, and what I write may seem trivial because it is trivial in the grand scheme of things, but it's still extraordinary nonetheless and that is because I saw God at work in the midst of my "trivial" day in very evident, clear, and tangible ways. And today I was also reminded that God treats me better than I deserve.

For the past week I have been on my own taking care of the house and Isaac while my husband has been away training. This is the first separation we've had since Isaac has been born where I haven't had help (and it happens to be for a rather significant period of time, although nothing like it will be when he deploys). As life would have it, just when I thought things were perfect and I had him all figured out, when things were predictable and wonderful, and when we had extra help from my mother-in-law, as soon as I'm on my own with Isaac things go haywire...

To keep it short and simple (which I'm usually quite bad at doing but I'll try), his entire sleep/ nap/ awake/ eating schedule changed, and every day it changed. He was fussier than normal. He was having some episodes of serious, painful, inconsolable crying. He was having digestive issues. He was having sleep issues. There were a lot of issues let's just say. Plus, with me being his only playmate (besides Opie), when we're alone together all day, let's just say he can get pretty bored of me, which is tough on us both when he isn't wanting to self-entertain...and I'll be the first to admit I am not a natural baby entertainer although I wish I were. Despite all the frustration, exhaustion, stress, and so on, we managed to have fun, we made it through each day just fine, and each day I went to bed knowing I was the best mom that I could be to him.

But then today happened. Today was yet another day of unpredictability, things going "wrong," Isaac not napping, still having digestive problems, etc... and I finally let it get the best of me. I was becoming the mom I didn't want to be. In my frustration, I lost my patience, my self-control, and started to complain and have a negative attitude. I was upset with myself and was trying to keep it together, but I knew my heart wasn't right. Sadly, the one thing I had to look forward to was a trip out to Target just to get us out of the house and give me a little break.

And then, in the midst of my grumbling spirit this afternoon, God began to give me answer after answer, all in a row, to my list of "small" little prayers I'd prayed hours before right around the time I stopped being filled with the Spirit and started being filled with my own negativity and grumbling.

Isaac actually slept for over an hour for his second nap. I got to have a real time conversation via text messages with my husband, and then an actual phone call with him once Isaac woke up. Isaac's digestive problems seemed to have finally cleared up (this is the second time in my life where I've never been so happy to change a poopy diaper). I discovered Isaac has his two upper teeth coming in, I can see both of them, but only feel the one cutting through, which gives me some of the wisdom and understanding that I've been so desperately desiring. Then as we went to Target for our fun little outing, I was pleasantly surprised to find a ton of great "treasures" for my Hailey's Hope care packages. And when I arrived home and checked my email, a problem I'd been having for over two months with childcare on post that crept up again this morning was solved and I received an actual apology! In a matter of a couple of hours, I'd been given all the answers to everything I was struggling with this morning.

I was so very thankful and praising God, but I was also humbled. I felt undeserving to receive them all after I reached my low, after grumbling, when I know the Lord does not appreciate complainers (especially when it's the very things I'm studying right now during my quiet times - the Israelites grumbling in the desert in the book of Numbers). And trust me, I know these things that frustrated me, are truly not a big deal, and you may be wondering why I even wrote such a long post on things that seem so trivial or silly... But I'm writing them down so I remember this day because of these clear ways that God answered my prayers because I don't even want to take the "small" things for granted... and honestly, these "small" things were quite big for me in the moment where I'm learning who He wants me to be as a mom and wife when my husband is in the Army and does get called away from his family, and it's challenging. But I am so very thankful to have a God who hears even my smallest of prayers, who fills me with His spirit to enable me to be the patient, self-controlled, positive, godly mother I desire to be and who he desires me to be, who blesses me more than I deserve.

~

Anyway else keep thinking Dave Ramsey while reading this? hehe ;)