Hailey's 3rd Birthday

Yesterday was December 1st. Our daughter Hailey would have turned 3 years old. Every time I write or speak that out loud I can hardly believe it.

Three.

Immediately my mind tries to correlate the number to the picture of the age, three. I try to imagine my daughter at three years old. What would she look like? What would it be like to have a three year old little girl running around with her little brother Isaac?

And I can't imagine. I can't picture it. Nothing. Maybe that's because it didn't happen, because it's not my reality, because she was never meant to be three years old here....

I try to think of three year old girls I know to try to get some sort of glimpse at what Hailey could have been like... But it doesn't help any. She is forever 36 days old here. Forever my baby here.

So when those thoughts bring no results and leave my desires to think of her in that way remain unsatisfied, my mind imagines her in the present. In heaven. And thankfully God always allows me to imagine something, and it temporarily brings comfort and fills empty places.

Yesterday in my imagination she was a little girl, maybe 6 or 7, smiling and dancing in fields of long grass with tiny purple butterflies floating all around in an ethereal sort of way, the sunlight a warm yellow... I can never imagine details of her face but the thoughts and pictures are enough.

I don't know if God blesses me with them or it's just my own doing, but I like to think it's a little glimpse from him, like a tiny treasure of a gift for me, a glimpse of what awaits. A reminder that she is whole and perfect now.

Regardless of that truth, the pain and ache of her absence remains real and present every single day. I don't write about her often. I don't speak about her as often anymore either. But the void created when she left our family is felt every day.

As time passes, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to share her with others. Being in the Army and living a lifestyle that changes so much, I'm frequently in situations with new people and people I don't know. I've learned wearing my heart on my sleeve and being so quick and open, leaves my heart easily hurt. When I share about her it's like I give a special piece of my heart and soul away, and I've learned not everyone is worthy of receiving that. They all don't really care. Awkward moments are created. Sometimes words are spoken that are most of the time unintentionally hurtful. And so I don't share as openly about her anymore. She's too special for just anyone to hear about.

I now awkwardly answer questions about how many kids I have. Sometimes I say one, referring to Isaac, but I always walk away feeling wrong that I spoke the untruth. Sometimes I say two, but give nonverbal cues that i don't want to share more or quickly change the subject.

To people I know, I still let them in. I still love when her name is mentioned or i can share about her. I know they will take care of her and me when I do. It brings me healing to remember. And it helps me keep her alive in my memory. Now as time and life continue to move away from the time she was with us, it seems that really only happens on certain days of the year, her birthday, the anniversary of her death, pregnancy and infant loss awareness day, and anytime I do something with Hailey's Hope.

To celebrate her birthday we do an annual delivery in her honor from the nonprofit we started in her memory, Hailey's Hope; for her birthdays we donate care packages for NICU babies and their parents to the NICU in Alabama where she stayed. I hope to do this every birthday of hers for as long as we can. We donate NICU care packages to other local hospitals throughout the year as well, but this one is always special and always to her hospital. This year we were able to collect enough donations to donate 50 long term NICU care packages.

Yesterday was my 3rd delivery on her birthday, it was Hailey's little brother Isaac's 2nd time coming with for her birthday delivery, and it was Hailey's Grandma Vanderlip's 1st birthday delivery. We all wore our Hailey's Hopent-shirts, even Isaac who was just precious in his. It took us 3.5 hrs driving each way. We were gone from 7am to 4pm with all of our stops. Isaac (15 months old) did really good for the trip which was my biggest concern and prayer answered (he has a history of being a bad traveler). Having him so well behaved and happy definitely brought needed joy to the day. It was sunny and warm. The day was really beautiful in all ways for me.

We made our first stop at the welcome rest stop in AL with the space shuttle. Isaac was so happy to get out of the car and run around. He loved the leaves everywhere, the flags, and seeing the trucks drive by on the highway. It was time for lunch when we arrived by the hospital. We ate at Moe's which was perfect for all our diets and I love anyway. It was Isaac's first time in a restaurant in about 4 months maybe... Since he started walking he doesn't do we'll confined to a high chair... And yesterday wasn't too different. He lasted a few bites and then wanted out so he sat and stood and even danced next to me in the booth for the rest of lunch. After lunch it was time to go to the hospital.

When I see the hospital, waves of memories and old emotions and feelings always sweep over me. Me being the nonpublic crier held back my tears as we drove near the hospital. Otherwise I felt comforted most of the day. Being back made everything feel so long ago; it was the first time feeling that way for me. To be honest I hate how that feels.

As usual the delivery itself only takes a few minutes. We pull up, unload our bags in the lobby, fill out some forms, take a few quick pictures to commemorate the event, and it's over, at least our part. Hospital policy keeps us from doing anymore which is fine. I just hope and pray the families receive our bags when they arrive and that upon receiving them they feel a little joy, comfort, and relief...

Then we drove home... Isaac took a short nap. We made a rest stop for a diaper change and break halfway home. Isaac was very entertained by a Christmas tree in the gas station. He was so cute. He really made me proud yesterday, and every day, but he behaved well and listened well.

I arrived home to beautiful flowers left for me by my husband who couldn't be with us today because he is in Afghanistan.

And that was Hailey's birthday...

(Love and miss you forever little munchkin. Can't wait to hold you again.)

Hailey's Christmas Project

Dear Friends and Family,

First, I want to thank you for your love, support and prayers over the past three years, from my pregnancy with Hailey, while she was alive and fighting, and especially since she's been gone. It's hard to believe she would have turned 3 years old this December 1st. I am so very thankful for your support and to be able to celebrate her life on her birthday with another delivery of NICU care packages on behalf of Hailey's Hope with Project Sweet Peas.

We were blessed to spend Hailey's first Christmas with her, but this Christmas will be our 3rd without Hailey. It will be my first without my daughter and without my husband who will be spending his Christmas in Afghanistan. While I will have my son Isaac with me and be surrounded by friends and family, if you've ever lost a loved one you know, it will be hard having half of my little family missing.

 Me with my husband and daughter on December 25, 2009

So this year it's time to do something special, and I think it's a great tradition for our family to begin especially as Hailey's brother, Isaac, grows up. My cousin had first shared this idea with me when we first lost Hailey, but life has gone by in a whirlwind and I'm just now being able to implement it.

You see we still feel the need to remember our daughter this Christmas. We have a pink stocking for her that we hang, but it's so hard to see it empty next to all the others. This is where you come in to literally help fill that emptiness.

All we ask is that sometime between now and Christmas, you commit a random act of kindness in Hailey's memory. When you do it, think of Hailey and dedicate your act of kindness to her. You can even leave a note saying, “This random act of kindness was done in memory of Hailey Marie," but you don’t have to. Please write down your act of kindness and send it to me through e-mail (at k.vanderlip@gmail.com) and put “Hailey's Christmas Project” in the subject line or slip a note into your Christmas cards to us. I won't read it. I will put all the emails printed and notes in her stocking. Then, on Christmas morning, we will open up all the notes and read them - the emails will be great for me to forward to Josh so he can "open" them on Christmas too. Feel free to share this request with others, but even if only a few of you do this, we will have a really beautiful thing to share on Christmas in our daughter's memory and someone else (the recipient of your kindness) will benefit by a true example of the spirit of Christmas and sharing Christ's love. I will pray that all of us will be struck by an inspiring idea close to our hearts that will allow Hailey's life to continue to have a positive affect on the lives of others, you all and the recipients of your kind act.

Thank you in advance for your participation and continued love and support,
Krissy, Josh, & Isaac


For idea’s and inspiration for random acts of kindness, visit http://www.missfoundation.org/kindness/ideas.html
To donate to Hailey's Hope with Project Sweet Peas, visit http://projectsweetpeas.com/index.php/haileyshope 

Isaac's 1st Year in Monthly Pictures

Finally my finished project a bit delayed and not the best quality pictures, but I LOVE seeing how Isaac has grown and changed over his 1st year!

(This first one is Isaac at about 2 weeks old)

 

 

 

Happy 1st Birthday, Isaac!

My baby boy is celebrating his 1st birthday today! Hooray!! Happy Birthday Isaac Ryan! Mommy and daddy love you so much!


Here is a recap of his 11th month:

Growth:
Isaac is almost 20 lbs now. I blame his darn colds and not eating during them on the low weight, but really, he's probably just a lean boy like his mom and dad. His height is about 28" maybe a little more. We go in for his 1 year check up in a few days so I'll get my official stats then. :)

Milestones/ Skills mastered:

Feeding himself finger foods! That's all he wants to do now. It was a drastic over night change from all purees to all finger foods all himself which took me by surprise. Mr. Independent is his new name. (He loves grapes, watermelon, banana, and most fruits. He hates any type of meat which is a little frustrating for mommy).





He has mastered my favorite baby squat position finally. (So sad I don't have a picture of this yet).

He said his first (meaningful) word: "Dada!" He's said it only a handful of times but always appropriately and not a ramble. My favorite moment was when Josh was gone TDY and I was reading Isaac our family faces storybook we made him. I reached Josh's page with pictures of him and Isaac, and Isaac touched it and said, "Dada." Ugh, my heart melted. Love it.

Practicing:
Walking and standing on his own of course. We've caught him a few times standing on his own while playing for a brief moment, but right when he realizes he isn't holding on he quickly squats to the floor or grabs on to something.





Talking. He's a talker. Not with real words, but oh my does he baby babble like no other. He doesn't get that from me that's all I know. I can't wait to see what he's like when he starts speaking actual words! It's really cute when our neighbor Luke comes over to play (Luke is about 2 months older than Isaac). Isaac will smile and baby babble at him. I would love to know what he's trying to say!

I should also note that he's really into imitating us now, with sounds and movements. Clapping, moving our heads, patting, he's kinda into pointing but not really... It's still fun though.

Schedule:
This month he continues to go to sleep around 8pm and wake up between 6 and 7am. He also continues to have two naps a day. His schedule is much the same as last month. His two naps are about 1 hr each now. And since he's been sick twice this month he has not been napping very well.

Favorite activities/toys:
New activities/ First experiences:
Discovered and enjoys emptying his book shelves and drawers.


New favorite toys: His car he rides in and we push. Water table. Soon to be cozy coupe. Loves Hailey's garden butterfly in our front yard.






He still really likes his: walkers, drums, toy construction set, pop up toy (although he has no idea how to actually use it), likes his bouncer again (not sitting in it but walking around it). Loves playing with anything and everything outside.... On a side note, why does Isaac hate eating meat and veggies but loves dirt, grass, and bugs?? I don't get it! :)

Last thoughts/news to report:  He is a monkey and I love him even when he gets into trouble, which he does a lot of lately.



Favorite part of this month: Playing and interacting with him. There used to be a time when I'd (hate to say it) not look forward to him waking up from naps because the hours following would be very draining and difficult finding ways to entertain him or carry him around, etc. But this month he plays so well on his own and plays so well with us that it's been a lot of fun. I find myself looking forward to him waking up from naps so we can go do something fun or play outside together. I'm really happy he has his neighbor friend Luke to play with too.

My thoughts on Isaac's first year:
Wow... where to even begin. It's been a ride that's for sure! And God has used every moment to teach me and stretch me and grow me. The first couple of days of Isaac's life outside the womb were complete heavenly bliss. Broken places left from Hailey were healed and redeemed in those sweet moments of perfection with Isaac. I'd never known anything so perfect and close to heaven as I did in those first moments with him.

Unfortunately once Isaac's allergies set in things changed a little. The first couple of months seemed like years to me with Isaac due to all the crying and not sleeping (for both of us) due his food allergies. It wasn't what I had anticipated. It was by far the most difficult period with him from my sleep deprivation, the hours upon hours every day I sat in the glider rocking him, awake and to sleep since that's the only thing he liked. It reopened wounds left behind by my experience with Hailey. Having another child who was clearly in pain and that there was something wrong with was heartbreaking. Not being able to comfort him, soothe his pain, fix him... made me feel like a failure, made me hurt wondering why I had another child in pain who I couldn't help, made me frustrated, made me cry when he cried... It was rough to say the least. It was humbling.  I learned I couldn't do everything on my own like my prideful, independent self likes to think. I learned I had to seek help and accept help (but boy it sure seems like I'm always learning that lesson). I learned yet again to see the beauty in the seemingly dark moments. My time in the middle of the night comforting him or rocking him to sleep became moments I treasured. There became nothing sweeter for me to do than to do what God intended me to do as his mother. To love him. To be there for him. I found the middle of the night when I was up with him and the rest of the world was quiet to be an awesome time to pray and talk with God. Praying over your child is an awesome thing. I did with Hailey but not like I did with Isaac. It was different. And it was and is a wonderful privilege.

Thankfully, after a rough start, we eventually understood the "problem" and were able to "fix" it. Isaac changed completely. The person he was was finally able to emerge. He slept. He smiled. He was a happy baby. It was a huge relief to have him healthy and happy finally. The next few months were still difficult as we learned together and worked with Isaac to help him sleep (that boy has never really been a sleeper ever). But they were good. With every passing month life with Isaac got better and better and better.

Having lost Hailey and having known that during the entire course of her life we might lose her at any moment, taught me to cherish every moment, every milestone with Isaac. And I have. I like to think I really haven't taken any of it for granted. It's been awesome watching him learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, pull himself to standing... Truly awesome. Things I never got to see with Hailey which makes it all the more miraculous and makes me all the more appreciative of how God works in his creation. And it's been awesome to be able to hold him, hug him, kiss him, sing to him, make him laugh, tell him "I love him."

All in all, I don't think Isaac's first year flew by. It crawled by at a snail's pace in the beginning, it does seem to be picking up speed now (I was looking at pictures of him when he was about 3 months old and I just can't believe he used to be that small or that cute ;) although he's still the cutest little boy ever).  But I am thankful to be able to slow down each and every day and just soak him up. I love it. And I am thankful to be able to stay at home with him to share in all these moments with him. It has been a great first year with him. And I pray that God blesses him with a long, fruitful life, and that I get to be a part of it for as long as possible.

Facing Deployment: What I Need My Civilian Friends and Family To Know

Our family is currently on block leave. For those of you non-military, or civilian, folk out there, you can think of block leave as a period of 30 days soldiers have to be on vacation with their families before a deployment. The second week of our block leave was spent with our families back home in Illinois. What I realized about this trip was that no one really knows what to say to a family who is about to experience a deployment. This is our family's first deployment, and coming from non-military families and non-military community, this is new to our extended families and friends as well. Nonetheless, I was still surprised that no one really knew what to say, and often because of that didn't say anything. To me it almost felt like a big elephant in the room, but that might just have been me... Still I felt there were countless moments with our families and friends in Illinois, especially as we said goodbyes, were I was longing from someone to say something to my husband or myself regarding the deployment, but no one really said anything. Usually there was the just the, "Be safe over there," which is appreciated, but leaves so much unsaid and left me desiring more.

With all that said, I believe our friends and family deeply do care about what my husband (and I) are about to experience this next year, but I realized they probably lack the knowledge and words to express and support us like we already need. That's what this post is about.

Some of you, especially you military folk, have probably seen this blog post circulating around social networks lately, and I'm about to share it as well because it is so good. I was honestly about to write a similar blog post in my head during the 8 hr drive home to TN from IL when I was pulling up my feed reader and came across this post I'm about to share that said so much more and did it so well.

Whether it's a family's first or fifth deployment, deployment is hard. It's hard on a family. It's hard on a marriage. It's something 99% of the country could never understand... But we who experience the deployment firsthand need the rest of you so we can make it through it.

So here it is... If you desire to pray for Josh, myself, and/or Isaac while Josh is deployed or want to know what difficulties we'll be facing and when and how we might need encouragement, PLEASE READ THIS. Read it as though it's written from my perspective. It doesn't cover everything, but it's a great start.

(One more thing before I get to the post... If you'd like to be praying but need extra guidance with what to pray about even after reading this post, this resource I'm about to share the link to is GREAT. I carry a copy of this with me in my Bible. It's called "Prayers for Our Military and Their Families." Consider printing it out and keeping it with you somewhere where you will be reminded to be praying.

What I Wish my Civilian Friends Knew: A Letter from a Military Wife

by Catherine Fitzgerald

Dear Civilian Friend,

The other day you said to me, “I always want to minister to you, but I don’t know how.” I know I haven’t made it easy on you to figure out the “how.” Blame it on Rosie the Riveter and her “I can do it all” attitude or perhaps Lifetime’s Army Wives and their ability to solve all the drama of military life in 60 minutes or less. Blame it on the pride that comes with this lifestyle, constantly whispering in my ear, asking for help is showing weakness. It’s not fair to you. Or me. Because you want to help and I need it. So here it is. Everything I wished you knew but I can’t seem to tell you. 

First and foremost, I need your prayers. Pray for strength and endurance during yet another separation from the love of my life. Pray for my kids because they are struggling without daddy right now. No matter how old they are, no matter how many deployments they’ve been through, every separation is hard on them. And nothing hurts a momma more than to see her kiddos hurting and knowing there is nothing I can do. Pray for my husband. Pray for his safety. Pray for his mind to be able to process the ugliness of war. Pray for our marriage, that it can endure the trials and temptations that come with every departure. Pray for our country and the leaders in charge of putting our husband and father in harm’s way. Just above all else, pray for me, friend.

You should know that I probably won’t ask for much. In fact, you should probably just adopt a “don’t ask, just tell” policy with me. I am coming to watch your kids Monday night. I am coming to mow your lawn next Tuesday. This will be much more effective with me than a blanket “Let me know if you need anything.” Like I said, blame it on Rosie the Riveter or this stubborn pride of mine, but I probably won’t ask you for the help I so desperately need. And if I do, know that it took A LOT for me to get to that point so never make me feel bad about it because I may not ask again. I know the air filter was really dirty and should have been cleaned months ago, but I’m just doing the best that I can, a day at a time.

I need you to walk with me through this deployment. How this translates in real, practical terms is different for each one of us but try and figure it out. Many days I am treading water and can feel like I am about to go under. It may be a break from the kids. Sometimes a trip to the grocery store alone can feel like a day at the spa. Come give my kids a bath and help me get them to bed and I will feel like a new woman. Carry the baby asleep in the carseat to my car and the burden will literally feel lighter. Take my trash can to the curb every Wednesday night so I don’t awake in a panic at midnight and have to run outside to do it. Invite me for dinner so the nights don’t feel so lonely. Ask me to spend the holidays with you because I am so far from my family. Drop off dinner so I don’t have to cook one night. Help fix that leaky faucet so I don’t have to figure out which plumber won’t rip me off in this town I am new in. Come clean my bathrooms because I can never get to them. Mow my yard without even asking. Change the oil in my car, something my husband usually does, so that I don’t have to lug the babies to Jiffy Lube. Watch my kids while I go to the doctor so I don’t have to pay for another babysitter. Offer to come stay the night so I can sleep soundly and not jump at every creak I hear. Just come over and chat, I missing having someone to talk to. Listen to me and you will probably figure out quickly some ways you can show me you care.

Keep encouraging me. Bear with me through this whole deployment. It is like a death. At the beginning, the offers of help and words of encouragement are plentiful, but as I near the end, weary and tired, when I need it the most, they trail off. Remind me of God’s word and His promises. I can become consumed in missing my man and I need to constantly be told that God has a purpose and plan for me in this life just as much as he has one for my husband. Help me find it because sometimes my vision gets so clouded with tears.

I know you don’t every understand everything about my life. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. It’s taken years for me to learn this many acronyms. I want you to understand more and I don’t mind explaining. You don’t have to pity me, but I want your empathy. If you see me huddling with my fellow military wives, don’t think I don’t want to let you in. It’s just that we speak the same language and we have seen each other at the lowest points so we are bonded in an incredible way. That doesn’t mean I don’t desire to have a close bond with you too. But, they are just my default. You can offer me a perspective outside of this life. I need that.

Please know I am grateful for all your help. Though I may not write you a thank you card for each and every act, know I so appreciate it. I know I can get wrapped up in my own hardships and sometimes I forget to ask how I can pray for you. I am sorry. I know God’s comfort so I should be comforting you in your difficulties with the same comfort I have received. I need to work on that. And I need to help you with your needs as well and use the gifts and talents He has given me in ministering to you. Just because my husband is gone, doesn’t mean I can’t serve you. I know it is better to give than to receive.

We are not that different. My husband just took a job where the uncertainty of life is simply in our faces all the time. You sometimes can pretend you are in control of your life. I know I am not. God can use that as a launching pad for an incredible faith and trust in Him. Or Satan can use that to send me into a whirlwind of fear. Help me out of the spiral of anxiety if you see me spinning in it.

I’m glad I was able to tell you all the things I never did before. I hope this helps you figure out how to minister to me. I should have told you sooner, but I just didn’t know how. I need you more than ever these days as the deployments keep coming and the challenges get harder and harder with each moment. Our family can’t do this calling without you so thank you for noticing us and caring enough to show us we aren’t alone in this.

Thank you, friend.

Love,

A Military Wife

About Catherine:

Catherine Fitzgerald is the proud wife a U.S. Marine. She was a contributor to Faith Deployed…Again and wrote the group study guides for Faith Deployed and Faith Deployed…Again. She currently lives just outside of Wilmington, North Carolina. Her husband is a CH-53 Helicopter pilot and together they have two children, Grace and Asher. She currently leads a ministry called Operation: Hope Front that ministers to the needs of fellow military families in her area through her local church. Her family also serves in the college ministry, where she has found an endless supply of babysitters and lawn mowers for every deployment.

Isaac, 11 Months (10 Month Recap)

(this was set to auto publish yesterday when he turned 11 months... but for some reason didn't, so here it is a day late...)

Today Isaac is 11 months old! So close to celebrating being a 1 year old!

Growth:
Isaac is just under 19 lbs now. I haven't checked his height in awhile, but he sure seems taller to me! His feet grew out of most of his shoes this past month too; he now wears a size 3/4. He's mostly been wearing 9 month size clothes but we've started to transition into 12 month size.

Milestones/ Skills mastered:
The bear crawl!

This month he's continuing to practice standing and walking with assistance and has recently become a cruiser. He's also able to climb a full set of stairs without assistance (but with us right behind of course).

As of today he has 8 teeth completely in (4 on top and 4 on bottom) and really seems to be teething in a bad sort of way lately - I'm wondering if his first molars are about to pop through ?

This month he's continuing to eat three "meals" of solids a day with the occasional snack of cereal puffs. He's still doing 97% pureed foods, hates textures (although does enjoy puffs now), and still gags or coughs at food with texture.

Practicing:
Walking of course

Schedule:
This month he continues to go to sleep around 8pm and wake up around 7am. He also continues to have two naps a day. He's awake for about 2.5 hrs, takes his morning nap of at least 1 hr (around 10am), up for 3.5 hrs, takes his afternoon nap of at least 1 hr (around 2-3), up for about 4 hrs to bed.  Our activities and routine pretty much remain the same.

Favorite activities/toys:
New activities/ First experiences:
We went on our first real vacation as a family to Savannah, GA (with stops in Atlanta) for the first part of Josh's block leave which involved lots of firsts for Isaac and us. Isaac was able to go on a lot of walks in his stroller, play in parks/squares, go on a trolley ride, and visit the ocean for the first time and play in the water and (eat) the sand on the beach.

 

While in Atlanta we toured the Coca-Cola museum, and Isaac did awesome sitting in a theater watching a mini-movie and meeting the Coke polar bear.



Isaac had his early 1st birthday party with family and friends back home in IL as a continuation of block leave travels. We all had an awesome time at his sock monkey themed party. He had his first real taste of sweets when I fed him a few bites of his homemade vegan banana birthday cake. He had fun smashing the cake and feeling the gooey texture of the frosting in his fists too.

Also while in IL Isaac made friends with his grandparents' deer, Willow, and had fun watching the chickens.

He also was able to play in a pool a few times.  And lastly, while in IL Isaac had his 2nd haircut by Grandma Cetty.  Oh and can't forget, Isaac met his new cousin Ben (pic below of all 3 boy cousins). :)

New favorite toys: Household objects that aren't toys ;) ... New digital storybook, new "ball" toy, new pop up toy, "stand up" musical box toy at Grandma's house.... Now goes to sleep with his wind up musical puppy dog - love that he has a lovey now :)



He still really likes his: His walker of course, drums, toy construction set

Last news to report: We took him to a family allergist this month and long story short, he did not have any testing done, but we are treating him as though he has a mild allergy to milk, eggs, and pork. The plan for treatment is to continue to avoid them for 6months to another year and hope his system outgrows them and introduce later.

Favorite part of this month:
The predictablity, the naps, the sleep, the rest, the fun exploration, the birthday party, seeing the world through his eyes, the less frequent injuries (at times) as he becomes sturdier... Also watching him with family in IL who we don't get to see enough.
Most favorite part of this month was probably the mornings at the hotel in Atlanta when Isaac would take his morning milk in bed and watch cartoons (for the first time) and cuddle us.... Heaven on earth.

My thoughts:
I've loved this month. (As indicated by my favorite part of this month being so many things listed above!) I've soaked up every minute. Every smile. Every giggle. Every cuddle. Every kiss (or sometimes bite from him). Every daring adventure. Every peaceful sleep. Every time we interacted and played. Every time he tried something new, explored somewhere new, discovered the world around him. Seeing so much joy on his face. This month was truly sweet... Really, honestly, heaven on earth.

Isaac, 10 Months (Recap of His 9 Month)

 

Today Isaac is 10 months old! Happy birthday to my sweet little boy! Time continues to be speeding by us as Isaac continues to rapidly change and develop and transition from baby to toddler.

Growth:
Well at his 9 month check up it was confirmed that he really wasn't growing all that much and that was probably not a good thing. He dropped to 1% on weight. Even though he hadn't grown any longer, his height was average. Therefore it was doctor's orders to beef him up and help encourage him to consume more calories. I'm happy to report that in a few short weeks he'd gained a couple of pounds. At his last visit, which was for an ear infection a couple of weeks ago, he was about 18 lbs. So thankfully it looks like he is starting to pack on some pounds.

Milestones/ Skills mastered:
This month he's a stander and an assisted walker... and along with that a climber! He spends most of his time with his learning walker featured in the photo below, playing by the bookcase, fireplace, or stairs, the safest places to be of course!







As of today he has 6 teeth completely in, a 7th about halfway through, and an 8th starting to break through!

This month he's eating three "meals" of solids a day with the occasional snack. We've added proteins to his diet or rather chicken and turkey, and so far he really isn't a fan.  He's still doing all pureed foods, hates textures, and will gag or cough at the slightest texture. However, just yesterday he finally started eating and swallowing his puff cereal so maybe things are changing. This month began the weaning process from breast to a sippy cup of formula. The transition is going quite effortlessly and smoothly. The hardest part has probably been dealing with my emotions and hormones. We're not completely weaned yet but should be in about a week. The decision was a difficult and very personal one, but is one we decided on for the best for Isaac and me based on several factors.

His new trick this month is clapping his hands. It was quite awesome the first time it happened. Now, however, it often is the precursor to a wee-bit of a tantrum with arms flailing... but he does clap when he's happy too so that's good.

Practicing:
Walking of course, continues to practice pulling himself up to standing, cruising around holding furniture - not to sure about moving when standing always but trying to get the courage to do so... Also trying to climb steps and somewhat successful at times... Baby gates I ordered where are you? ;)

Schedule:
This month he continues to go to sleep around 8pm and wake up around 7am. He also continues to have two naps a day. He has dropped his evening catnap which he started to do last month. And he is completely sleeping through the night now for about 10-11 hrs. Our activities and routine pretty much remain the same. The only noteworthy changes I think are that he's outgrown the chair he used to sit in while I showered and got ready in the morning... We're still trying to figure out a way for him to be content and me still get ready at the start of our day; right now we're trying the pack 'n play but he's not too thrilled with it, maybe in time. And the other change is that he no longer takes baths in his whale tub since he's over reclining and relaxing and into moving and exploring; he now sits in a bath seat I picked up at a consignment sale for 5 bucks or he's sitting in the tub (although this makes me so scared!).



Favorite activities/toys:
New activities/ First experiences: Isaac made a friend! He loves hanging out with our neighbor Luke who is about to celebrate his first birthday next week.

Isaac had his first haircut! Grandma Cetty who was here visiting trimmed his bangs (that were hanging in his eyes) and trimmed around his ears.  He was such a good playing sitting and playing while she cut his hair... It was definitely a tug on mommy's heartstrings type of moment... Had to hold back some tears, my little boy is growing up so fast!

This month was Isaac's baby dedication. We had him dedicated at our church here in TN on Mother's Day with Josh's family in town visiting. (As part of Mother's Day weekend Isaac also joined us for his 2nd deliver with Hailey's Hope, his first to the NICUs at the hospital where he was born.) And he also had his 2nd trip to the Nashville Zoo. We also visited some new local museums and parks this month.







New favorite toys: drums and maracas (sp?)
He still really likes his: v-tech sit/stand/walk toy, toy construction set, Praise Baby DVDs, going for rides in his stroller

Last news to report: We switched Isaac's room to the guest room, which is actually painted a pretty blue color I love, has a vaulted ceiling, and a ceiling fan, all in an attempt to get him into a cooler room. I think we're all very happy with the switch.

Favorite part of this month:
Watching him become a little man as he plays and talks to himself, stands up on his own and plays, and as he walks with help. Some days it still seems surreal to have a healthy child I'm watching grow up... The days are here that I thought might never happen once upon a time ago... And that is truly remarkable and makes me see the miracles in every day.

My thoughts:
This month I no longer have a baby. I knew it was coming. But it's officially here. I'm calling him my toddler want to be this month. This month has been truly remarkable and awesome as I watch him become more and more of a little person... clapping, standing, walking... Things that honestly leave me speechless and in awe of my little bundle of joy. I'm still in awe of how cute he is too... He totally has me wrapped around his little fingers... He continues to bring me so much delight and brings me so many smiles and laughs. And I love how happy and smiley he is and taking him places with me where he smiles at other people.  Other than continuing to grow more and more in love with him, which I didn't know was possible but is....  This month has been quite the challenge too. His sleeping and napping have been awesome so I've felt less stressed out... However, he did have his second ear infection which threw a wrench in things for a bit. But the challenge I referred to is what I also don't think I was prepared for which is the amount of frustration and danger and make-my-heart-stop type of moments there would be as he enters this phase of learning to walk. He wants to do things he can't do yet. He cries. He does something he wants to do but is a novice at, falls, slips, tumbles. He cries. I can't count how many times I've heard and watched his head hit the floor this month. Ouch. Poor guy. It's a tough, rough world out there, and Isaac is in the middle of learning it.

I'm learning to relinquish control, trying not to rush to help him with everything, trying to let him be independent and learn on his own a bit... And then in creeps the beginnings of discipline this month.
The word "no" has become a star this month, so much so I'm being cautious as to not over use it. Unfortunately the little bugger likes to do what he's not supposed to, what's dangerous, and so on... So we have to tell him "no" quite a bit. His favorite place is a basket of cords under the built in office in our kitchen. That's also one of the few places we forbid him to be since he will try to chew the cords and we all know all the many reasons why electrical cords and babies don't mix... Unfortunately, the basket, the wires, everything about it lures him there... So we're trying to be consist, telling him "no" ... Sometimes he laughs at me when I talk sternly to him, that's probably not a good thing, thankfully I have yet to crack and laugh back. I just keep telling myself consistency is key and one day he will understand he is not supposed to be somewhere, etc.

 As I've learned over the past ten months, this parenting thing is a whirlwind - especially the first year as everything changes so fast. Once you get the hang of something, something new comes along, and I'm sure it will be like that for the foreseeable future. Time to learn to parent in new ways. :)