As was to be expected, I don't have as much time to devote to my blog these days so I can't write as often as I'd like. However, on our good days when Isaac is sleeping and has allowed me to see a reasonable amount of sleep (like today!), I will try to write if I can.
Isaac is about two and a half weeks old now. We are still working on settling into a routine. Unfortunately he doesn't follow the schedule of sleeping 14-18 hrs a day for 2-3 hrs at a time like most newborns, and when he is awake he has some extreme bouts of fussiness which are related to some tummy/ allergy issues he has on top of the normal-newborn-baby-adjusting-to-the-world-issues. Thankfully, not every day is a rough one, and the "happy" days are treasured and help us recover from the long and tiring ones. But no matter how "rough" life seems with him, I always know it's really not that bad. I have "really bad" to compare it too. In fact, I find myself comparing Isaac to Hailey often.
During the days and nights when I'm running on a few hours total of sleep, feeling sleep deprived and at my wits end with trying to console Isaac by rocking him for what seems like hours at time, my initial reaction is to be frustrated and upset and wanting my free time back... But then I remember it could be worse and to be thankful for what I have. I become thankful that he is here with me and suddenly what was a frustrating and seemed like a "bad" moment becomes one I want to freeze and remain in forever... The moment where I am rocking him in my arms, held close to my chest where I can cover him in kisses and breathe in his smell and where I can stare at him endlessly and play with his tiny toes... And ultimately I am reminded that he is safe and healthy and at home, and I correct my emotions to ones of gratitude.
However, those "rough" moments Isaac has, which thankfully are becoming less and less, have been extra sensitive for me. While I remind myself of what I just wrote above, I realize why it is so difficult for me sometimes to handle some of his cries - the cries that are more like blood curdling screams, where his face turns red, where he arches his back, where he tries to signal to me that he's in pain and not just fussing. It's because he reminds me of his sissy, and my heart breaks, for both of them. Hailey had her moments of crying the same way. The inconsolable crying of pain which involves the entire body going stiff and rigid. Her pain that we couldn't take away. Her pain that we couldn't solve or fix. Her pain that made and still makes my heart break. And when Isaac does the same, he's so much like her. So my heart breaks for her and the pain we couldn't take away, and my heart breaks for Isaac because as his momma I just want to take his pain away and fix it, but again, I don't know how.
Sometimes he looks so much like her I can hardly believe it. His little round face, his little eyes, his little mouth, his soft hair that's extra long in back... They are hers... The reminder of her makes my heart happy and sad at the same time.
Sometimes when he's sleeping he looks like her when she'd sleep, especially when he falls asleep with his mouth open because that's how she always slept... At first I found myself checking on him often when he was asleep... in all honesty checking to make sure he was still breathing... that was something that was difficult and I hadn't expected to experience, but it's no wonder I did after losing Hailey in her sleep. I have to remind myself even when I see him sleeping so peaceful and still as his sissy would, he is not her... but I still check.
I started to tell him about his sister the other day. Tears started to come to my eyes as I realized that some day he will start to make sense of the stories we tell him about her. Some day he will learn his sissy died. Some day he will visit her grave and understand what it means. Those thoughts break my heart, for me, for him.
There are many days when life feels near perfection since Isaac has been home with us. Days where my heart bursts with love over our little family. But on those days, I especially miss Hailey because the truth is our family is incomplete without her.
Not having her here makes some days feel strange, like Isaac is our first child, not our second... But the reality is he will be the first in many ways. Somehow I will need to come to terms with that since that makes it easy to for Hailey to be overlooked or forgotten.
It's astonishing to me how different Isaac's entrance into the world and life has been in comparison to Hailey's. His really seemed so perfect and beyond my wildest dreams, full of nothing but joy while hers was... well as I've written about many times before, traumatic. Those first hours and days with Isaac were heavenly, quiet, peaceful, where we were free to live and love and time didn't matter. I never knew giving birth could be such a wonderful experience... Having experienced it this time made the experience with Hailey that much more difficult to think back on. When going through the experience with Hailey we had nothing to compare it too, but in and of itself, it was... again, traumatic, but now to compare it to how good things can be that so many others get to experience... it made me feel ... almost 'robbed' (for lack of a better word) with Hailey... This time I didn't imagine what we missed out on with her, I lived it and experienced it firsthand. I saw how good "it" could be and how bad it was with her. And it broke my heart to know what she, and we, missed out on.
At the same time, her situation cannot be changed, but can only be learned from and used for good. So I am thankful for the experience because it has made me sensitive to a world I hadn't known existed, that of the NICU and the babylost parents. And more importantly, it has made me more appreciative for what we have with Isaac. All the things most parents take for granted, I know I never will. I will always have a reason to be thankful and rejoice even in what seems to be the difficult moments.
So while we deal with dirty diapers, spit up, getting peed on, crying, fussiness, lack of sleep, and the normal baby life that can have it's moments of frustration with new parents, I am so very thankful for them and wouldn't have life any other way. I will change the way I eat, I will function on no sleep, I will rock him for hours on end, I will do it all with a grateful heart because I'm doing it at all. Because I know it could be worse. I know what it's like to call a NICU a home, I know what it's like to have the opportunity to sleep a full eight hours a night because of visiting hours and being sent "home" to a Ronald McDonald House, I know what it's like to have a crying baby and not be able to hold her, I know what it's like to have an IV "nourishing" my child instead of me, I know what it's like to pray for a dirty diaper and rejoice when one comes and cry when it doesn't, I know what it's like to watch my child sleep because I'm praying that her breathing doesn't stop, I know what it's like to listen to beeps and alarms instead of lullabies and soothing sounds...
With all that said, a lot of my thoughts and emotions related to Isaac and Hailey still go unmentioned as I've only skimmed the surface of most... and I'm sure it's just the beginning. All I know is that I love both my babies with all my heart, and not having one here makes me love and appreciate every second I have with the other that much more.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Naming Isaac
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." Psalm 126:2
As most of you know, my husband and I chose to keep our son's name a secret during our pregnancy. Mostly I wanted to wait to reveal his name once he was born because of our experience sharing our daughter's name. With her I learned that everyone feels welcome to give his/her opinion and inclined to comment on the name choice even if they don't like it. Unfortunately when we told people we were naming our daughter Hailey, we had several of them tell us in their own words that they didn't like her name, which offended and hurt me because I took it very personally. Therefore, this time I wanted to wait to reveal our baby boy's name until after he was born to avoid this since most negative comments and opinions go unmentioned for some odd reason once the baby has arrived.
Now that our son's name, Isaac Ryan, has been officially released, I want to share how this came to be his name.
I knew from the very beginning, or maybe even before the beginning, that I wanted his name to be a Biblical and meaningful name. Initially I liked the name Luke - my husband preferred Lucas, but I also began to think creatively about our family's first initials: H (our daughter), J (my husband), and K (myself) - realizing if we had a son's name beginning with the letter "I" then we would have H, I, J, K - get it? We'd all be right next to each other in the alphabet. From there I needed to come up with some Biblical "I" names. Initially Isaiah came up, which I liked but didn't seem fitting for our baby boy, and of course Isaac came up, but I too felt unsure about it since it wasn't a name that would have come up had I not wanted to make it fit my criteria.
Around this time we were part of a Bible study that was studying the story of Abraham and Isaac - one that I was vaguely familiar with but had never read or studied before. As we read through Genesis 22 and became familiar with the earlier parts of Abraham, Sarah, and Isaac's story in chapters 17-18, I became intrigued by the meaning of the name Isaac and a deep connection to their story.
First, considering Isaac was one of the names we'd been thinking about I was happy to learn that the Hebrew meaning of it is "laughter" or "he will laugh," which in chapter 21 of Genesis can be associated with a laughter resulting from joy. I thought that is a lovely meaning for a name.
But more importantly I related to both Sarah and Abraham to some extent. Here they were being told by the Lord that they would have a son when everything else (primarily being infertile due to old age) was saying it was impossible, and in fact Sarah first laughs in disbelief almost as though she thinks sarcastically to herself, "Yeah right God, that's not possible." In my case, I was given enough reason to believe we might not be able to have a healthy baby. I can't remember what our initial odds were to have a baby with Trisomy 18 - something like 1 in 3,000 or 6,000 - something very small, but once we did have one child with a Trisomy the chances of our next child having a Trisomy increased to 1 in 99 which to me were frightening odds. While my situation may not have seemed all that impossible compared to Abraham and Sarah's, I nonetheless felt at times that it would be impossible for me to have a healthy baby.
Of course God did fulfill his promise to Abraham, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac. Again the Bible records Sarah laughing, but this time her laughter stems from joy at the birth of her son and God keeping his word to do something she thought would never happen. While God did not promise me a healthy baby, I did feel him telling my heart we would have another child, and I would just need to trust him on the details. God even allowed me to envision this child, and I could imagine a healthy little boy running around our house (which is also why I guessed our baby was a boy once we did get pregnant). For some reason I wasn't able to envision Hailey in the same way so it gave me hope that our next pregnancy and baby would be different and healthy. And even if that was just me and not a God thing, reading about Sarah and Isaac gave me hope. I longed to give birth to a healthy son and laugh with joy over God's miracle like Sarah.
But back to Genesis 22 where this all started for me. God calls upon Abraham to trust him and asks him to make a sacrifice. In case you don't know the story, God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham obeyed, but thankfully before he could kill Isaac, God intervened, saving Isaac. Abraham demonstrated his trust and a faithful obedience to the Lord; he showed God that he would not withhold anything from him, not even his own child, that he was willing to give God everything. After reading this, which again happened while I was a few months pregnant with my own son and struggling because of what happened with Hailey, I realized I was having a hard time trusting God and was withholding my trust when it came to my son. I wanted to be able to have a faith like Abraham's, but more importantly, I saw this pregnancy as my opportunity to show God I trusted hum whether he called me to 'sacrifice' my son to a lethal chromosomal disorder again or whether he would 'save' my son from it. Of curse, I hoped God would spare my son like he spared Isaac in the Bible.
After learning about the Biblical Isaac's life and the Hebrew meaning of his name, it became pretty clear that Isaac would be quite fitting for our baby boy's name. Of course the real test came from practicing the name on our baby boy, and when we did it felt completely right, almost as though God had chosen this name for our son. Isaac was really never one of my favorite baby boy names, but God made it clear that this was to be his name, and I have come to love it.
Out of all the history behind Isaac's name, I do still love it's meaning because our Isaac has certainly lived up to it; he has made me laugh with joy for the miracle that he is. And I pray that our Isaac will have a long life and continue our family tree (something I had once feared may never happen), just as was true with Isaac in the Bible.
"I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed,because you have obeyed me.” Gen. 22:17
(Oh and I can't forget to mention that our Isaac shares his middle name with his daddy's middle name, like Hailey had my middle name for hers.)
As most of you know, my husband and I chose to keep our son's name a secret during our pregnancy. Mostly I wanted to wait to reveal his name once he was born because of our experience sharing our daughter's name. With her I learned that everyone feels welcome to give his/her opinion and inclined to comment on the name choice even if they don't like it. Unfortunately when we told people we were naming our daughter Hailey, we had several of them tell us in their own words that they didn't like her name, which offended and hurt me because I took it very personally. Therefore, this time I wanted to wait to reveal our baby boy's name until after he was born to avoid this since most negative comments and opinions go unmentioned for some odd reason once the baby has arrived.
Now that our son's name, Isaac Ryan, has been officially released, I want to share how this came to be his name.
I knew from the very beginning, or maybe even before the beginning, that I wanted his name to be a Biblical and meaningful name. Initially I liked the name Luke - my husband preferred Lucas, but I also began to think creatively about our family's first initials: H (our daughter), J (my husband), and K (myself) - realizing if we had a son's name beginning with the letter "I" then we would have H, I, J, K - get it? We'd all be right next to each other in the alphabet. From there I needed to come up with some Biblical "I" names. Initially Isaiah came up, which I liked but didn't seem fitting for our baby boy, and of course Isaac came up, but I too felt unsure about it since it wasn't a name that would have come up had I not wanted to make it fit my criteria.
Around this time we were part of a Bible study that was studying the story of Abraham and Isaac - one that I was vaguely familiar with but had never read or studied before. As we read through Genesis 22 and became familiar with the earlier parts of Abraham, Sarah, and Isaac's story in chapters 17-18, I became intrigued by the meaning of the name Isaac and a deep connection to their story.
First, considering Isaac was one of the names we'd been thinking about I was happy to learn that the Hebrew meaning of it is "laughter" or "he will laugh," which in chapter 21 of Genesis can be associated with a laughter resulting from joy. I thought that is a lovely meaning for a name.
But more importantly I related to both Sarah and Abraham to some extent. Here they were being told by the Lord that they would have a son when everything else (primarily being infertile due to old age) was saying it was impossible, and in fact Sarah first laughs in disbelief almost as though she thinks sarcastically to herself, "Yeah right God, that's not possible." In my case, I was given enough reason to believe we might not be able to have a healthy baby. I can't remember what our initial odds were to have a baby with Trisomy 18 - something like 1 in 3,000 or 6,000 - something very small, but once we did have one child with a Trisomy the chances of our next child having a Trisomy increased to 1 in 99 which to me were frightening odds. While my situation may not have seemed all that impossible compared to Abraham and Sarah's, I nonetheless felt at times that it would be impossible for me to have a healthy baby.
Of course God did fulfill his promise to Abraham, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac. Again the Bible records Sarah laughing, but this time her laughter stems from joy at the birth of her son and God keeping his word to do something she thought would never happen. While God did not promise me a healthy baby, I did feel him telling my heart we would have another child, and I would just need to trust him on the details. God even allowed me to envision this child, and I could imagine a healthy little boy running around our house (which is also why I guessed our baby was a boy once we did get pregnant). For some reason I wasn't able to envision Hailey in the same way so it gave me hope that our next pregnancy and baby would be different and healthy. And even if that was just me and not a God thing, reading about Sarah and Isaac gave me hope. I longed to give birth to a healthy son and laugh with joy over God's miracle like Sarah.
But back to Genesis 22 where this all started for me. God calls upon Abraham to trust him and asks him to make a sacrifice. In case you don't know the story, God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham obeyed, but thankfully before he could kill Isaac, God intervened, saving Isaac. Abraham demonstrated his trust and a faithful obedience to the Lord; he showed God that he would not withhold anything from him, not even his own child, that he was willing to give God everything. After reading this, which again happened while I was a few months pregnant with my own son and struggling because of what happened with Hailey, I realized I was having a hard time trusting God and was withholding my trust when it came to my son. I wanted to be able to have a faith like Abraham's, but more importantly, I saw this pregnancy as my opportunity to show God I trusted hum whether he called me to 'sacrifice' my son to a lethal chromosomal disorder again or whether he would 'save' my son from it. Of curse, I hoped God would spare my son like he spared Isaac in the Bible.
After learning about the Biblical Isaac's life and the Hebrew meaning of his name, it became pretty clear that Isaac would be quite fitting for our baby boy's name. Of course the real test came from practicing the name on our baby boy, and when we did it felt completely right, almost as though God had chosen this name for our son. Isaac was really never one of my favorite baby boy names, but God made it clear that this was to be his name, and I have come to love it.
Out of all the history behind Isaac's name, I do still love it's meaning because our Isaac has certainly lived up to it; he has made me laugh with joy for the miracle that he is. And I pray that our Isaac will have a long life and continue our family tree (something I had once feared may never happen), just as was true with Isaac in the Bible.
"I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed,because you have obeyed me.” Gen. 22:17
(Oh and I can't forget to mention that our Isaac shares his middle name with his daddy's middle name, like Hailey had my middle name for hers.)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Isaac Ryan's Birth Story
Finally the post you (I) have been waiting for!
Our baby boy, Isaac Ryan, arrived at 2:38am on Sunday, August 7, 2011 (I was 40 weeks 3 days along) weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces and measuring 20 and a half inches long! He is beautiful and healthy and perfect in every way!
He and his birth were wrapped in prayer since day one, and it has been amazing to see how God has answered so many of those prayers and most of all to see my wildest dreams about Isaac's arrival turn out to be what God had planned as well. (Thank you Jesus!)
Of course the only thing I can compare my experience with Isaac to is my experience with Hailey, and I don't think there are enough words to explain how different my two experiences have been. There are numerous times throughout my day every day since Isaac has arrived where I wonder if this is really my reality, where things feel too good to be true, where things are better than I even had dreamed or imagined. I never knew "this" side of having a baby... I never knew things could be "this" good... this perfect... this joyful... But they are.
So let me tell you about his birth story...
In last couple of weeks of my pregnancy I began to have noticeable Braxton-Hicks contractions. At my 38 week appointment with my midwife I was 2cm dilated and 75 percent effaced. Unfortunately, at my 39 and 40 week appointment things were the same. And so my due date came and went. Since the appointment where I found out my body was beginning to make the changes it would need to deliver Isaac, I began, with my midwife's consent, to try a variety to natural ways to induce labor: evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, walking, and more. At 40 weeks my midwife told me we would wait another week and see how things were progressing at 41 weeks if I still hadn't had Isaac. Thankfully this was possible because both Isaac and I were doing quite well.
Isaac's due date was Wednesday, August 3rd. By Friday, August 5th my Braxton-Hicks were getting more and more noticeable, so much so that at one point Friday evening they were becoming regular although not more intense. I began to hope and pray that real labor was not too far away. Saturday morning around 5:45am I woke up from a mildly painful contraction and began timing how far apart they were coming. They almost seemed regular for about an hour but not quite and just at the one hour mark when I was ready to call my midwife and update her on my contractions, they began to go away. But I hopped in the shower bright and early anyway in preparation that things might change. Once they seemed to disappear, I went back to sleep and managed to get a couple of more hours of shut eye late in the morning.
Throughout the day Saturday my contractions came and went irregularly and varying in degrees of pain. Clearly hoping this was my body going through the early stage of labor, I continued to try all methods of helping induce labor, so we went out and grabbed me some eggplant Parmesan for lunch. Around 7pm my contractions came back, more painful, and more regular. I timed them for an hour, and they were coming every 2-6 minutes and after an hour they were continuing. So I called my midwife and then my husband and let them know we were going to labor and delivery to get checked out (since we had a 45 minute drive ahead of us to get to the hospital).
Once we were in the car on our way to the hospital my contractions slowly began to, I thought, disappear again - they slowed to about 10 minutes between contractions - at that point I was afraid that I was having false labor or would go to labor and delivery and they would tell me to go back home. Thankfully, by the time we arrived and checked in, the contractions were back and growing stronger and stronger. When the midwife on call was finally able to come check me around 10pm I was shocked when she told me I was 6cm dilated - for only really having felt my contractions for about 2 or 3 hours (and not having them be painful really) that was wonderful news to my ears!
From there we waited for my room to open. I was so delighted when they offered me their one room with a tub for laboring in! Usually it's in use or there's a waiting list for it! But I got it! So of course once we were able to get into my room we started the bath right away. At this point it was about 11pm and the bath was starting, my husband and I walked out to the parking garage to grab our belongings (my choice to walk around in hopes of speeding things up) and we had permission to walk around until midnight. It was so funny to be 6cm dilated and having fairly intense contractions and be walking around the hospital and outside. It was a sense of freedom I had not during my labor with Hailey. It was amazing! At this point I'm not sure how frequent my contractions were, but they were coming fairly frequently and were fairly painful, but not bad. Around midnight I went into the bath and it felt amazing on my muscles and definitely made the contractions seem less intense. The best was having my husband aim the hose on my lower back during a contraction - it felt so good! At one point while I was in labor in the tub I was laughing and telling my husband how fun this labor actually was. Seriously, I was having fun in labor! It was crazy but true!
I could have stayed in the tub forever, but I was getting pruney and it was irritating me so I got out. My midwife checked me again around 1am and I was dilated to 8cm. My contractions were pretty frequent and painful at this point, but so far I was managing them well and not even really making any noises. A contraction would come, I would get into a position that seemed least painful, usually standing up, bending over, and using my arms to support me on a chair. At this point I wouldn't want anyone to talk to me or touch me, I just kind of would get into a zone, focus on my breathing, and let it pass. Eventually with the pain kicking up, I went into the shower so I could have hot water aimed on my lower back again, which again felt so good.
Around 1:30am the contractions seemed to be reaching their peak intensity and were quite painful. Thankfully they were nothing near as horrifying or as painful as they were when I was laboring naturally with Hailey under the awful affects of pitocin. At that point we were just waiting for me to get the urge to "bare down." My water still had not broken and my midwife explained it probably wouldn't until I started pushing (something about the position of my cervix and baby's head and there being no fluid in between. Somewhere around 2am I began pushing. Surprisingly pushing felt so good. My midwife had many wonderful suggestions for different positions for me to try when pushing. I'm not sure at what point but my water did eventually break while I was pushing. Again, surprisingly, my contractions were giving me a break that allowed me to rest between pushing sessions. I felt much more exhausted than I did in pain, which again was surprising to me. As he began to make it further and further down the birth canal and was getting to close to crowning, obviously the pain was pretty intense - but nothing like it was with Hailey (and I wasn't screaming bloody murder like I was then either - which was a relief to everyone in the room I'm sure). Thankfully, everyone's encouragement in the room really helped motivate me to keep pushing. I've never done something so hard in my life - talk about a full body work out!
The rest is pretty much history... Isaac finally arrived at 2:38am after what was really a fairly short labor and short amount of pushing. Immediately he was placed on my chest (like I'd wanted and had wanted with Hailey but didn't get). His cry and the fact they placed him on me reassured me that he was okay, although I asked countless times if he was okay, if he was healthy, and so on, not believing it. I held him and stared at him and kissed him and told him over and over again that I loved him. Shortly after, Josh was able to cut his umbilical cord (again, something I'd wanted and had wanted with Hailey but didn't get). And the next hour or so was spent bonding with Isaac on my chest. I didn't have anyone try to take him from me. Time slowed down, and it was just us and our new family, and it was wonderful. Eventually they took him to weigh and measure him - 8lbs 3 oz, 20.5 inches much bigger than we'd anticipated he'd be!
Everything about his birth was better than I could have imagined or asked. I was able to deliver him vaginally and naturally. It wasn't nearly as painful as it was when I was induced with Hailey and trying to go naturally. In fact it still amazes me how it didn't seem that painful at all, that at one point I said it was fun, and that not only was I able to do it all naturally, but that all the estimates of his size were around 6.5 lbs - not over 8lbs! I have to say, I am a little proud of myself that I delivered an 8lb 3oz baby naturally and almost enjoyed it! Of course it was the most demanding physical act I've ever done, but still, it was a wonderful experience.
Thank you so much for praying for my labor and delivery with Isaac. I'm so thankful God answered them by indeed giving me a birth experience that gave me everything I wanted and more. Most of all, I am so thankful to have a healthy baby at home. We are so in love. :)
(Side note/ soapbox moment - I encourage everyone to try to deliver naturally if they have the option. You don't need the meds and if I can do it, you can do it! And everyone should watch the documentary The Business of Being Born - I don't necessarily agree with everything in the movie but it gives a perspective on childbirth that isn't given enough. Just because so many women are giving epidurals and other medicinal pain relieving options doesn't mean they're safe or what's best for mom or more importantly baby.)
Our baby boy, Isaac Ryan, arrived at 2:38am on Sunday, August 7, 2011 (I was 40 weeks 3 days along) weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces and measuring 20 and a half inches long! He is beautiful and healthy and perfect in every way!
He and his birth were wrapped in prayer since day one, and it has been amazing to see how God has answered so many of those prayers and most of all to see my wildest dreams about Isaac's arrival turn out to be what God had planned as well. (Thank you Jesus!)
Of course the only thing I can compare my experience with Isaac to is my experience with Hailey, and I don't think there are enough words to explain how different my two experiences have been. There are numerous times throughout my day every day since Isaac has arrived where I wonder if this is really my reality, where things feel too good to be true, where things are better than I even had dreamed or imagined. I never knew "this" side of having a baby... I never knew things could be "this" good... this perfect... this joyful... But they are.
So let me tell you about his birth story...
In last couple of weeks of my pregnancy I began to have noticeable Braxton-Hicks contractions. At my 38 week appointment with my midwife I was 2cm dilated and 75 percent effaced. Unfortunately, at my 39 and 40 week appointment things were the same. And so my due date came and went. Since the appointment where I found out my body was beginning to make the changes it would need to deliver Isaac, I began, with my midwife's consent, to try a variety to natural ways to induce labor: evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, walking, and more. At 40 weeks my midwife told me we would wait another week and see how things were progressing at 41 weeks if I still hadn't had Isaac. Thankfully this was possible because both Isaac and I were doing quite well.
Isaac's due date was Wednesday, August 3rd. By Friday, August 5th my Braxton-Hicks were getting more and more noticeable, so much so that at one point Friday evening they were becoming regular although not more intense. I began to hope and pray that real labor was not too far away. Saturday morning around 5:45am I woke up from a mildly painful contraction and began timing how far apart they were coming. They almost seemed regular for about an hour but not quite and just at the one hour mark when I was ready to call my midwife and update her on my contractions, they began to go away. But I hopped in the shower bright and early anyway in preparation that things might change. Once they seemed to disappear, I went back to sleep and managed to get a couple of more hours of shut eye late in the morning.
Throughout the day Saturday my contractions came and went irregularly and varying in degrees of pain. Clearly hoping this was my body going through the early stage of labor, I continued to try all methods of helping induce labor, so we went out and grabbed me some eggplant Parmesan for lunch. Around 7pm my contractions came back, more painful, and more regular. I timed them for an hour, and they were coming every 2-6 minutes and after an hour they were continuing. So I called my midwife and then my husband and let them know we were going to labor and delivery to get checked out (since we had a 45 minute drive ahead of us to get to the hospital).
Once we were in the car on our way to the hospital my contractions slowly began to, I thought, disappear again - they slowed to about 10 minutes between contractions - at that point I was afraid that I was having false labor or would go to labor and delivery and they would tell me to go back home. Thankfully, by the time we arrived and checked in, the contractions were back and growing stronger and stronger. When the midwife on call was finally able to come check me around 10pm I was shocked when she told me I was 6cm dilated - for only really having felt my contractions for about 2 or 3 hours (and not having them be painful really) that was wonderful news to my ears!
From there we waited for my room to open. I was so delighted when they offered me their one room with a tub for laboring in! Usually it's in use or there's a waiting list for it! But I got it! So of course once we were able to get into my room we started the bath right away. At this point it was about 11pm and the bath was starting, my husband and I walked out to the parking garage to grab our belongings (my choice to walk around in hopes of speeding things up) and we had permission to walk around until midnight. It was so funny to be 6cm dilated and having fairly intense contractions and be walking around the hospital and outside. It was a sense of freedom I had not during my labor with Hailey. It was amazing! At this point I'm not sure how frequent my contractions were, but they were coming fairly frequently and were fairly painful, but not bad. Around midnight I went into the bath and it felt amazing on my muscles and definitely made the contractions seem less intense. The best was having my husband aim the hose on my lower back during a contraction - it felt so good! At one point while I was in labor in the tub I was laughing and telling my husband how fun this labor actually was. Seriously, I was having fun in labor! It was crazy but true!
I could have stayed in the tub forever, but I was getting pruney and it was irritating me so I got out. My midwife checked me again around 1am and I was dilated to 8cm. My contractions were pretty frequent and painful at this point, but so far I was managing them well and not even really making any noises. A contraction would come, I would get into a position that seemed least painful, usually standing up, bending over, and using my arms to support me on a chair. At this point I wouldn't want anyone to talk to me or touch me, I just kind of would get into a zone, focus on my breathing, and let it pass. Eventually with the pain kicking up, I went into the shower so I could have hot water aimed on my lower back again, which again felt so good.
Around 1:30am the contractions seemed to be reaching their peak intensity and were quite painful. Thankfully they were nothing near as horrifying or as painful as they were when I was laboring naturally with Hailey under the awful affects of pitocin. At that point we were just waiting for me to get the urge to "bare down." My water still had not broken and my midwife explained it probably wouldn't until I started pushing (something about the position of my cervix and baby's head and there being no fluid in between. Somewhere around 2am I began pushing. Surprisingly pushing felt so good. My midwife had many wonderful suggestions for different positions for me to try when pushing. I'm not sure at what point but my water did eventually break while I was pushing. Again, surprisingly, my contractions were giving me a break that allowed me to rest between pushing sessions. I felt much more exhausted than I did in pain, which again was surprising to me. As he began to make it further and further down the birth canal and was getting to close to crowning, obviously the pain was pretty intense - but nothing like it was with Hailey (and I wasn't screaming bloody murder like I was then either - which was a relief to everyone in the room I'm sure). Thankfully, everyone's encouragement in the room really helped motivate me to keep pushing. I've never done something so hard in my life - talk about a full body work out!
The rest is pretty much history... Isaac finally arrived at 2:38am after what was really a fairly short labor and short amount of pushing. Immediately he was placed on my chest (like I'd wanted and had wanted with Hailey but didn't get). His cry and the fact they placed him on me reassured me that he was okay, although I asked countless times if he was okay, if he was healthy, and so on, not believing it. I held him and stared at him and kissed him and told him over and over again that I loved him. Shortly after, Josh was able to cut his umbilical cord (again, something I'd wanted and had wanted with Hailey but didn't get). And the next hour or so was spent bonding with Isaac on my chest. I didn't have anyone try to take him from me. Time slowed down, and it was just us and our new family, and it was wonderful. Eventually they took him to weigh and measure him - 8lbs 3 oz, 20.5 inches much bigger than we'd anticipated he'd be!
Everything about his birth was better than I could have imagined or asked. I was able to deliver him vaginally and naturally. It wasn't nearly as painful as it was when I was induced with Hailey and trying to go naturally. In fact it still amazes me how it didn't seem that painful at all, that at one point I said it was fun, and that not only was I able to do it all naturally, but that all the estimates of his size were around 6.5 lbs - not over 8lbs! I have to say, I am a little proud of myself that I delivered an 8lb 3oz baby naturally and almost enjoyed it! Of course it was the most demanding physical act I've ever done, but still, it was a wonderful experience.
Thank you so much for praying for my labor and delivery with Isaac. I'm so thankful God answered them by indeed giving me a birth experience that gave me everything I wanted and more. Most of all, I am so thankful to have a healthy baby at home. We are so in love. :)
(Side note/ soapbox moment - I encourage everyone to try to deliver naturally if they have the option. You don't need the meds and if I can do it, you can do it! And everyone should watch the documentary The Business of Being Born - I don't necessarily agree with everything in the movie but it gives a perspective on childbirth that isn't given enough. Just because so many women are giving epidurals and other medicinal pain relieving options doesn't mean they're safe or what's best for mom or more importantly baby.)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Waiting on Baby Boy...
Well I was hoping that my next post on here would be introducing you all to our baby boy, but unfortunately baby boy's due date came and went (he was due this past Wednesday, August 3rd), and he seems to be nice and content staying put for awhile longer. Thankfully both baby and I seem to be doing quite well so we're waiting another week at which point if he hasn't arrived yet we'll begin discussing with my midwife what our next plan of action will be in terms of waiting longer, inducing, etc.
As much as this tempts me to become anxious and impatient, I'm really not. Of course I'm eager for him to get here soon - mostly so I can meet him already and can stop wondering and worrying, but also so I don't have to go down the road of being induced again. But I think everyone else is more anxious and impatient over him being 2 days past his due date than I am - I know they are almost as eager as I am for him to get here too, but we all just need to show a little more patience I think. :)
And technically he's not past due or overdue until after 42 weeks, which no one really gets to these days (which also means baby boy will have to be here by August 17th!), but babies typically come between 38-42 weeks, with around 50% before that 40 week mark and 50% after... So of course waiting is no fun, but it's completely normal!
And yes we're continuing to do everything safe we can do on our own to try to induce labor (and we really don't need suggestions because trust me, I've heard of practically everything and am doing practically everything). Nonetheless, I'm convinced baby boy will come when he is good and ready, and ultimately it's all about God's timing, not our own.
So today, 2 days past my due date, baby boy and I are doing well. I've been feeling quite well emotionally thanks to God pouring out His peace on my heart and mind every day. I am very eager to go into labor and meet our baby boy, but so far I am not going crazy with impatience and I hope God helps to continue to give me patience until his time comes.
If you would like to pray for us, please pray for a complication free labor and delivery (that would be natural and not induced) and that baby boy would be born healthy. Please continue to pray for God's peace to pour into our hearts and minds as we are continue to battle fears and doubts and worries. Please pray for us to have patience as we wait. Overall please pray that God would pour out his protection over momma and baby during labor and delivery, that He would bless baby boy's arrival, and that this time for our family would begin a season of joy - but ultimately that God's will, being perfect, would be carried out.
Thanks!! Hopefully the next update will be introducing you to baby boy!
As much as this tempts me to become anxious and impatient, I'm really not. Of course I'm eager for him to get here soon - mostly so I can meet him already and can stop wondering and worrying, but also so I don't have to go down the road of being induced again. But I think everyone else is more anxious and impatient over him being 2 days past his due date than I am - I know they are almost as eager as I am for him to get here too, but we all just need to show a little more patience I think. :)
And technically he's not past due or overdue until after 42 weeks, which no one really gets to these days (which also means baby boy will have to be here by August 17th!), but babies typically come between 38-42 weeks, with around 50% before that 40 week mark and 50% after... So of course waiting is no fun, but it's completely normal!
And yes we're continuing to do everything safe we can do on our own to try to induce labor (and we really don't need suggestions because trust me, I've heard of practically everything and am doing practically everything). Nonetheless, I'm convinced baby boy will come when he is good and ready, and ultimately it's all about God's timing, not our own.
So today, 2 days past my due date, baby boy and I are doing well. I've been feeling quite well emotionally thanks to God pouring out His peace on my heart and mind every day. I am very eager to go into labor and meet our baby boy, but so far I am not going crazy with impatience and I hope God helps to continue to give me patience until his time comes.
If you would like to pray for us, please pray for a complication free labor and delivery (that would be natural and not induced) and that baby boy would be born healthy. Please continue to pray for God's peace to pour into our hearts and minds as we are continue to battle fears and doubts and worries. Please pray for us to have patience as we wait. Overall please pray that God would pour out his protection over momma and baby during labor and delivery, that He would bless baby boy's arrival, and that this time for our family would begin a season of joy - but ultimately that God's will, being perfect, would be carried out.
Thanks!! Hopefully the next update will be introducing you to baby boy!
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